(the way I typed that post heading initially as 2002 wrapup hahahahaha help)

I struggle SO much with wrapping up years at this point--they feel infinite and yet like a matter of seconds. I've aged a lot, and my life no longer wraps up neatly into a nice little bow. But I'm going to share everything anyway, because I miss the days when we all did this.

Music of 2022

Books of 2022

 there is a king. the Lord is come.

Lord on high, help us to remember that you are here

Help us to recall your coming

and not to be apathetic,

because this is not a small thing that has happened

you see only a baby

you smile at the fuzzy christmas card, at the bright and shining star, hanging soft and mellow in a dream-filled night sky

the animals are so happy

the world is so peaceful

but lift up the veil, and remember

remember the war waging on the other side of our reality, the shock of the forces of darkness, the rejoicing of the angels

everyone who saw that king knew something was different 

what was it? 

no bright star pointed straight down

but they sensed it

and not only did those who loved him rejoice--

those who hated him felt it too

and they felt the cold shudder 

so REJOICE, beloved

remember who has come, remember what has been done

Emmanuel--God with us

Sound it out

remind yourselves today, and every day--

God IS with us and he has not left 

Jesus Christ, our Savior

Rejoice, Rejoice

Emmanuel shall come

to THEE

 HELLO EVERYBODY!!! I am here to share once again about my book from the fall, Knife in the Back, and this time I've got the very exciting update of FINISHING IT. This book has my heart, so I'm super excited to share more about the WRITING PROCESS ACCCKKKK.

Without further ado, let's jump into the Know the Novel tag! This is part three, where we celebrate the end of a writing challenge (NaNoWriMo-ish for me, but I was trying to write 30k...which I did ;))

The Tag

1. How did writing this novel go all around?

It was honestly so. Fun.

I don't usually write much during the school year, but prioritizing my books made it go SO much better and I'm thrilled with how it turned out. Absolutely thrilled. This is the most fun I've had writing a book in a LONG time. 

Granted, I did have a lot of mental breakdowns over this story--it's the opener to a six-book series, which will be spanning about 10 POV characters and a global conflict. This series has gotten HUGE and I suspect it will only get bigger as I figure out conflicts for my side characters. However, I'm finally on the road to figuring all of that out and I can't WAIT to jump into the next few books and explore my characters' minds more thoroughly.

2. Did it turn out as you expected or completely different? How do you feel about the outcome?

The outcome of this book was about what I expected--I set the climax up from the beginning and NOTHING could stop it from getting to that point, no matter what my characters tried. However, some things have worked out differently. A pair of characters I thought were absolutely going to end up as a couple have now drifted in opposite directions in life, and I'm...not as mad about it as I would've expected. Just MORE space to develop all of this as the story goes along *mysterious smile*

Additionally, one of my characters needs to get his act together and be at least a LITTLE likable. His fate isn't the smack in the gut I want it to be unless the reader cares about him, and...currently no one cares about him, not even me. Haha. Help.

3. What aspect of the story did you love writing about the most? (Characters, plot, setting, prose, etc.)

I LOVE my setting and storyworld, but it needs a LOT more work before it can be an actual story. It's not quite working as well as I was hoping, but I really love it, and I think I know how to fix it all. 

My characters, though. While their arcs need some strengthening, I am in LOVE with all six of my POV characters (well, five of them at least), and I am a huge huge fan of their arcs.

4. What was your least favorite part?

Probably never being sure how the arcs were going to end up >.< It's hard to write when you don't know much! And my characters kept shifting their outcomes. But I'm almost as stubborn as they are, and I decided I WAS going to get them there, no matter WHAT it took.

5. What do you feel needs the most work?

Probably setting. I really want this storyworld to feel like a real place--a city built on a canal, divided into five sectors, each with its own distinctions. I did almost nothing with that this time, and edits need to make that a much stronger distinction.

6. How do you feel about your characters now? Who’s your favorite? Least favorite? Anyone surprise you? Give us all the details!

My favorite is probably Aver. He's my small bean and he just does not want to be here--but he's turned into the secret piece that will propel the entire series forward. He's into the sciences, health, and medicine--and his explorations will, quite literally, spur on the entire rest of the plot. He's my little sarcastic Done wonderboy and I love him with my entire soul.

Least favorite: Annie, at this point, because it's just so hard to nail her POV. Her scenes are probably the closest to correct in terms of what happens in them and where they fall, but I somehow don't think any of them will stay, because I need to get her voice right if I'm going to sell her as a character. She's a strange little thing, but she's also my villain, so I need her to work.

7. What’s your next plan of action with this novel?

I'm going to let it stew for a little while and then I am going to LAUNCH edits like missiles. Just kidding. But also...this is a book I want to see DONE, and I want it to work. I'm going to be spending a lot of time in 2023 editing, getting this sent to my critique partner, and writing new scenes. 

Overall: Writing this whole thing has been really hard, but I'm so excited to figure it out and write it in a smooth, complete way.

8. If you could have your greatest dream realized for this novel, what would it be?

Publication! And in a way that allows me to do the series in EXACTLY the way I want it to be ^_^ It's a complex web but if I'm allowed to do it the way I want it to go....ooh BABY it's going to be epic.

9. Share some of your favorite snippets!

Aver shook his head and started up the stairs.

Years ago, he’d graduated from this institution with honors and an invention that could save lives… if he could only prove that it would work. He just hadn’t done it fast enough. Most people didn’t finish until they were twenty-two; he’d finished at nineteen, and he’d done everything he could. The stack in his room of top marks papers haunted his every moment.

All the knowledge in the world lurked in the books kept in this place. All the knowledge in the world, his to consume—but it hadn’t been enough. None of it had been enough. He clutched his notebook closer to distract himself from his thoughts.

The doors were heavy. He jerked it open with his free hand and entered the main hall. No one in the room knew who he really was. He was nothing but a student in here, another face in the crowd. His discoveries weren’t special to anyone but his professors, and he didn’t have many friends in here.

Two perfect worlds. One of perfect anonymity where his accomplishments were honored by only the people he wanted to know. Another world where he was everything and his job was to be the perfect backup to a perfect man. Friends of a certain kind. He’d built up two different families for himself.

10. Did you glean any new writing and/or life lessons from writing this novel?

Hello everybody! Big news today: I finished writing Knife in the Back on November 20th (and it clocked in at a WHOPPING 106k)!

I'm super excited to share this with y'all, and I decided that rather than doing my standard book finishing post, I'm going to do something a little different. That post is coming soon, but it will take a long time for me to write, so instead...in honor of Midnights, let's assign each of the MCs from this book a Taylor Swift song!

(There is no album criteria here. I just picked the song I felt picked each of the leads, haha. There's DEFINITELY room for debate here!)

Estelle--Haunted (Speak Now)

Dantyl-- Maroon (Midnights)

Aver--this is me trying (folklore)

Tristan--The Last Time (Red)

Annie--I Did Something Bad (reputation)

Zayn--The Archer (Lover)

 

1. How’s the writing going overall?

I'm at 98,000 words as I type this! I'm very very excited--I haven't written a book longer than 80-85k in literal years. Not since 2019. So the fact that I've still, in fact, got it is thrilling. 

2. What’s been the most fun aspect about writing this novel so far?

Getting to delve DEEP into these characters' psyches has been amazing. I'm juggling six POVs from the very get-go this time around, which I don't normally do until the later books of a series (for reference, while the first Pentegreens book initially had 2 main POVs and two secondary POVs, the fourth one had seven). But I'm messing with people of a lot of different kinds, and it's been so fun to work with characters with vast emotional ranges.

3. What do you think of your characters at this point? Who’s your favorite to write about?

I love all of my characters. I think my favorite overall is probably Aver--his character arc is so distinct from everyone else. Aver is a little cinnamon roll boy, who's getting the fantasy equivalent of his Ph.D. and got stuck working in the assassin clans in the meantime. He's an investment and he knows it, but he's happy to just focus on making life easier for his family and friends. And the EMOTIONS. We've got a lot to work with here.

As for the rest of them...Let's just say things are going to get painful now that I really know them all.

4. Has your novel surprised you in any way?

Probably mostly in that it's taken on far more of a group ensemble feel than I was originally expecting! I was fully expecting this to center on Estelle, with only some side focus--but I guess having 6 main POVs will do that to you, haha. 

5. Have you come across any problem areas?

Keeping the plotting tight is always a problem for me, but goodness knows that's what editing is for. Sometimes I get carried away in characters' minds and forget to actually do things with them. Gotta work on this.

6. What’s been your biggest victory with writing this novel at this point?

I'm actually writing in college! This is a major accomplishment--normally I suck at actually getting words down at school. So the fact that I've written 80k in just a few months here at school already...dude. This is magic. This book is actually going to be something.

7. If you were transported into your novel and became any one of the characters, which one do you think you’d be? Would you take any different actions than they have?

If I were in my novel...probably...I'd probably be Yelena, one of my side characters, and I would make VERY different decisions. Haha. I love Yelena, but she is not the queen of good decisions.

8. Give us the first sentence or paragraph then 2 (or 3!) more favorite snippets!

The first few lines: 

If killing were a prize to be won, she’d have the first-place trophy. Both for quality and quantity.

Estelle slipped through the shadows, her hood drawn up over her face to conceal it. The streets were empty this late at night; only a few windows still burned with lights, and those few would soon go out. It was raining, as it almost always did at night; the moisture made her skin feel alive. It would water the earth and give new life to the weeds bursting through the cracks in the cobblestones.

Estelle shook her head, letting raindrops cascade down her back. The darkness was hardy enough of a cover, but she didn’t care anymore. A shiver slid down her spine.

9. Share an interesting tidbit about the writing process so far! (For example: Have you made any hilarious typos? Derailed from your outline? Killed off a character? Changed projects entirely? Anything you want to share!)

Well...I thought I knew how this duology ended. I knew what all the characters were doing, what their final positions were going to be, and everything in between. But then I was thinking about it and went... What if I did not do that?

I swear I do this every time.

But here we are, and I'm super super excited about the way this is going now! We're going to THRIVE, y'all. I realized how little I was invested in these characters (because I knew how it was going to end), and I decided that something needed to be done. And now I am FLYING, and I've rarely been so excited about character development as I am with this crew now. Estelle, Tristan, Zayn, and the rest of the crew are my favorite characters ever now. No exaggeration. (And I hope someday y'all love them as much as I do!)

10. Take us on a tour of what a normal writing day for this novel looks like. Where do you write? What time of day? Alone or with others? Is a lot of coffee (or some other drink) consumed? Do you light candles? Play music? Get distracted by social media (*cough, cough*)? Tell all!

I have to dig time out for this novel from the pit of school, so it usually ends up with me either sitting in my bunk bed or my study cubicle, pounding out words while avoiding eye contact with my physics textbook. I drink lots of water. I blast music in my earbuds, whatever happens to be the vibe of the day, and I go. That's...about it. This hasn't been an aesthetic or cute process--it's been ugly, tired, and sleep-deprive. But the book is BEING WRITTEN. And I am in love with it.

How is your current writing going? Talk to me in the comments! I want to hear about ALL the WIPs!

Hey, everybody! It's the time of year again when some people start writing books. Not me. I don't have time because of College. But I do want to share my current WIP--the one I've been working on for the past few months--because Christine finally released her Know the Novel tag for this year! And I figure that's a perfect time to introduce the new book :)

You can find out more about Know the Novel here. For now, I'm so so excited to introduce my WIP!

1. What first sparked the idea for this novel?

At risk of spoilers...the story I'm about to share with you is a light prequel to the Pentegreens series. It comes from a long, long process of trying to humanize the relationship between two characters, a relationship that has done nothing but give me grief. I wanted it to mean something, and to take something from my own soul, something important. It turned into a story of redemption, of dark deeds and impossible saves, of assassins and new hope. It also was lightly or maybe heavily inspired by a Havok flash fiction I wrote (but I won't tell you which one yet...)

2. Share a blurb (or just an overall summary)!

dark hoods//lonely walks//top hats and suspenders//a dark circus//the boy with too many knives//science things//a thousand little fights//dark academia//love of power

3. Where does the story take place? What are some of your favorite aspects of the setting?

This novel takes place largely in the city of Brodie. Brodie is a large city built into the banks of a river, and it's in the North, so it's cold and cloudy all the time. A cold wind from the coast is constantly blasting the inhabitants. The city itself is divided in five districts--the center of the city belongs to the king, and each of the other four districts is the domain of one of the assassin lords.

This is a story I'm trying to weave a lot of history into, and I'm really enjoying that aspect. It's also set in the world of Pentegreens, so each of the characters has their own distinct magical abilities in varying degrees of strength and effectiveness, which is lots of fun to play with. I'm also tightening the rules of the magic system--the assassins wield their powers in very different ways from the cast of Pentegreens.

Finally, I decided to bite the bullet and infuse this story with steampunk elements. Because there's nothing better than steampunk, fantasy university, and that sort of thing.

4. Tell us about your protagonist(s).

5. Who (or what) is the antagonist?

Annie: hard though I've tried, I cannot picture Annie as anybody but Marilyn. Haha. She's a little bit crazy, but her biggest goal is to conquer, to come out on top, and to finally fill the void in her chest with either love or power. Either way will do. 

6. What excites you the most about this novel?

7. Is this going to be a series? standalone? something else?

8. Are you plotting? pantsing? plansting?

9. Name a few unique elements in this story.

10. Share some fun “extras” of the story (a song or full playlist, some aesthetics, a collage, a Pinterest board, a map you’ve made, a special theme you’re going to incorporate, ANYTHING you want to share!).

 

It's in the mid-70s where I live, and I saw a singular tree starting to change a couple days ago...so now we're going to break out ALL the fall vibes, everybody! I can't wait to share some more stories and about my plans and life. But in the meantime, I'm going to create the ultimate list of Fall Books.

We can't deny that there are some books which go better with another season. So here's a list of books full of colors, cozy sweaters, warm coffee, pumpkin, and the color orange. 

I promise these won't all be classics, but goodness--the falling leaves aesthetic is strong with this story. This one pairs beautifully with a cup of warm chai and a view of falling leaves in the rain. It's tragic and dark, but the ending is wonderful. This book is best read if you get rid of any preconceived notions and take it for what it is--the tragedy of toxic family cycles, and the beauty of deciding to break them.

What's more autumn than an enchanted circus/carnival vibe? "Almost everything, Faith," you might say. I don't know--I've always associated autumn with carnivals, because of the county fair and the fact tha those colors are best with crisp fall air and apple cider. Hence why I recommend this book. If you're a fan of magic and circuses, check this book out.

This might be a children's book, but is there anything with more of an autumn kick to it? The county fair scene gets me. I absolutely love this story--it's such an important part of my childhood. Living in New England, where the book is set, makes me able to visualize the fall scenes so beautifully--the trees are all so beautiful. If this was a childhood favorite, fall is the perfect time for a reread.

I don't think this book is set in the fall, but enchanted books! Books where the characters come to life! The entire series is worth a read--it's been one of my favorites for years. The characters are all bright and colorful like fallen leaves, and the story is a wonderful example of the war between good and evil.

 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again--rejoice!"

It's a children's song. I wonder if you hear it now, as you read these words I have typed. It's a verse. Philippians 4:4. It's a reminder of how bright our future is in the Lord. It's a reminder of who we are. That we are to rejoice. That joy comes in the morning. That we need fear nothing if we rejoice in the Lord.

Funny, really. Funny how we hear it and we think of the blithe little children's song. It's not about joy to us--it's about happiness. And it's impossible to be happy most of the time in this life. Happiness is fickle, fleeting, and overall an emotion. Joy is a state of being. It's a truth.

I remember the beginning of my high school years, when I got ahold of Andrew Peterson's album The Burning Edge of Dawn. Everything was awful in my life at that point, and the track entitled "Rejoice" was not the one I thought I needed. I love Andrew Peterson, but he and I have a bit of a fraught relationship. It's one thing to have emotions about God and struggle with them; it's another to have your emotions taken, written down by another individual who's never met you, and put to song. Peterson has an uncanny ability to weave words out of the deepest thoughts of my soul, so sometimes when it's darkest, I can't bear listening to the songs he writes.

Rejoice was just another of those--it hurt so badly that I could hardly bear it. I could not stand to feel the weight of words that gave voice to my feelings. "Rejoice" was a song that made me think maybe it got better. But later. 

Joy, I thought then, as a young teen wrestling with body image, a broken life, and grappling with the reality of losing a life I'd not only never get back but also never have in the first place--joy was not for someone like me. Maybe someday I'd find it. Someday way far away.

It persisted. I felt happiness on and off. I felt the deepest pain and the worst loneliness. God is there, they say, through it all. Funny how that's true when you can't feel it or see his presence. Funny how you can believe something with all your heart and yet so fully doubt its truth.

There's a truth you can't let go of and there's a truth you have to hold onto. Joy is one of these, a thin little gossamer thread that you can't let go of if you wish to keep your life. It's the rope holding Samwise and Frodo against the cliff. It's the thread holding your heart together. But it only comes from truth, the truth that God alone can give.

I went to a concert in spring of 2022 (just this year). It was Andrew Peterson, live and in person. I'd just turned 20. I was ready for some sort of epiphany. I needed a change. I was happy, yes, but joy?

What is joy?

Peterson announced his arrival with a few classics, and then he set into playing the opening bars of "Rejoice."

For some reason, God has a way of using Andrew Peterson specifically to speak to me. There is always one song in his setlists that has a message for me, one that I didn't know I needed in that moment, but that moves me straight to tears. Once at his Christmas concert, which we livestreamed, he played another favorite song, "Carry the Fire," which moved me to tears. It was exactly what I needed.

But "Rejoice." One note and I was right back in that darkness, the water all around me, my heart shattered on the floor. Tears were already on my face right there in that church. I started singing along, but by the end of the first verse, I was in tears to a point where I could hardly breathe, let alone sing. The song itself was beautiful, yes, but that was not what struck me. What struck me was the truth.

Joy comes in truth. In knowing the truth.

I knew the truth.

God was there. God had never let me go in all those moments.

That's the story of the girl sobbing during a song about joy, a girl whose life came full circle. It's all about those moments, I've come to realize. One moment where God makes it all so clear--that's what lets me keep going. He does it so rarely, but I do not forget the moments when he does it. He reminds me of his truth and his presence and he holds on tight. It is my memorial. My reminder that the Lord does not leave us alone or leave us with just ourselves.

He is right there in the dark. And I did not drown then. I will not drown now. For I am not swimming by myself.

Somewhere in the dark is a lifeline, a thread floating on the water, inviting me to reach out and take it. The thread is a single word, glimmering like a light in the darkness.

Rejoice, beloved.

 Hello, wonderful friends! I've been pretty quiet on this side of things, mostly because I finally, finally set my butt down and started writing again. 

I'll be honest: I hit intense burnout and writer's block in the second half of 2020, and I haven't finished a manuscript since. I've "introduced" so many WIPs on this blog...and then made little to no progress, struggling to figure out how to write.

There is, of course, a reason for that. I wanted every book I wrote to have the intense success of the latter half of the Pentegreens series. (If you're new to the blog: I went into a fever dream haze and wrote two massive books, 135k and 119k, in 3 months. The second 119k was entirely written for NaNoWriMo.) I wanted to write everything that fast. Not only that--I wanted my drafts to be that polished, to be as good as those had been. I then followed that book up with another fast and polished draft, Holding Up the Sky, which was 70k in about two months. And then...I was stuck.

College contributed, of course. There are lots of contributing factors. But now, as of July 26, 2022, I can report in and say that I DID IT!

I finished an entire book!

It's hardly my cleanest. It's not my best by a long shot. It will need so many edits, and I'm already working on figuring those out, because breaks are something I struggle with. But here we are. It's a draft, a complete one, and that is WORTH celebrating.

And We Fell in Fire

 There's a fundamental flaw in creation science.

We point to a natural wonder of immense, staggering beauty. "Look," we say. "Look at this creation. No natural process could have created this. It must be creation. Only creation could be so perfectly planned."

And that is where we stop.

We do not allow science and the natural world to point us back to what Dorothy Sayers calls the "mind of the Maker." Creation has a creator; creation exists to glorify her Creator. We have eyes that can see the world around us BECAUSE we serve a Creator who gave them to us.

And often we don't look to him. Because there are no words. How can anyone ever express in WORDS, these mere collections of sounds and letters, how great the mind of our God is?

It's so easy to look at our small lives and think of God as small. This is why it is so important to immerse ourselves in the natural beauty he has made. It will all reveal something of God's nature in the nature he made.

When I went to the Grand Canyon, I walked to the very edge. I looked down into pink and orange depths, rocks so big they defied understanding. My mind had to shrink the canyon in order to understand how immense it truly was. It looks infinite, immeasurable. And yet the only word I could conjure upon seeing it was, "Oh."

Oh.

Far too easily, we fall into this trap of thinking God is small like us. We live small lives in small worlds with small people, and we do not know what it means to look up. Then we go to something so much bigger, and it all translates into sense.

The God who made the Grand Canyon is infinite. He cups that in his hand too. It is tiny to him.

And yet it is not the crowning achievement of his creation. No canyon, no mountain, no planet even. Not even a star is his greatest creation. He made those first.

No, his crowning achievement is you and me, the human race, our broken flesh and mortal bones. We are  broken and small but he has not abandoned us. He has not left us to ourselves. He loves us.

THIS is the God we serve. 

Note: I'm sorry for being so very all over the place when it comes to my blogging :') I'm trying very hard to get back on a schedule, but it's difficult with how busy I've been. I'm working on all of that, though, and I'm hoping to get back on it with y'all soon. Peace!