...which means it's time for a newsletter! I'll be sending them every month, but here are signups for this month. Official launch, haha. 

 Once upon a time, a girl sat down and opened her Bible.

She'd read this chapter a few times before--she was familiar with Romans. She knew what the words meant on a grammar level. There were few surprises. 

But she hadn't let it sink into her heart. The words were distant, far from her actual soul. And as she read them again, she realized: she was angry. Understanding was not enough--she needed belief.

That was hard to come by when her prayers went unanswered.

She pounded her fists against her Bible. She screamed. She prayed. Her diary became far more faithful a companion than her prayer journal, but then the diary started to veer into a darkness she hadn't expected. Later, talking to her therapist, she'd realize just how awful that moment had been. "I started writing about myself in the third person," she'd said. "Do you think that's relevant?"

Her therapist had chuckled and leaned back. "People tend to do that to distance themselves from traumatic experiences," she said.

The girl stopped writing entirely, and she stopped asking. Her questions weren't for God. They were for her parents, for other people, for the void. God could hear them--that much she knew. But it felt like nothing got to him. There was a fence on the way up, and her questions snagged like balloons in a ceiling net, tapping relentlessly, but unable to go any higher. The questions were corralled, and she could not seem to read past that chapter of Romans.

More. More than conquerors. The words were a mockery. What did it mean to be more than a conqueror when she couldn't even overcome her own questions?

She wrote a list for her mother: questions God can't answer. "The only thing keeping me here is that nothing else has better answers," she explained to her mother. That was really the only thread she had--none of the other possible worldviews made sense even on a molecular level.

One day, during prayer, the reminder came again: more than conquerors. Outside, rain poured down in the middle of a dark spring evening. The girl looked out the window at the rain and sighed. More prayer. More asking God for something that wouldn't happen. More begging for answers.

The prayer ended. The family wandered. The girl's younger sister looked out the window and gasped. "Guys, come look," she said urgently.

The church building where they were praying was empty, but that had no effect on them at that moment. Because there, stretched over the parking lot--a rainbow. It spanned the church building, bright and unmistakable.

You are loved, that rainbow whispered. It was a reminder--a promise. Hope. hope. 

The answers were not all right there, but the girl took a deep breath, looking at that rainbow.

That wasn't a direct answer.

But it was a start.

And for the first time, the balloons of her questions were breaking past the net and soaring, free, into the great blue sky.

 Hello guys! I know I said second Mondays were going to be flash fiction, but I'm giving myself a brief window of time to prep some stories before I start posting them. As a result, I'm going to switch weeks for January and discuss my current main project, Holding Up the Sky!

This little story has my heart. It's about piano music that keeps the entire world safe. It's about magic carpets, a world where blood is currency, and portals to other worlds. It's very high-concept and very fairy-tale retelling. It has lots of tropes. 

And my big news is that I'm going to be querying it!

I've queried once in the past, mostly to small presses, with a very old version of The King's Daughter. I pulled it because a gut feeling said it was the wrong time, and I'm so very thankful I did--I needed that book, and it needed time to become what it's becoming now. But I'm ready to dive back into the querying waters with a much lighter and less personal story.

It's been a LONG time since I've shared anything about this story, so here are the characters!

Daverby//laughter is medicine//I hate emotions//is anyone else suspicious?//gold//insults for self protection//brokenness//exhaustion//all i have is my hair//angel with a shotgun, the cab

Emery//grew up too fast//little pink flowers//beauty to tempt fate//oldest sister//fights for love//no friends, only family//loneliness//journey, natasha blume

Tarek//musician forever//never certain//broken hand, broken boy//strange//flute and piano//just one yesterday, fall out boy

Lissa//music in the soul//lost voice//lost hope//this world is unforgiving//bright eyes//red hair//sadness runs deep//starlight, starset

Malice//the little brother//always alone//uncertain//mom and dad are gone//what happens next//animals love him//always a bright tomorrow//winter of our youth, bastille

Talia//it's hard to be a criminal//wanted//never needed//why fit in when you were born to stand out//found family//protect what's yours//breath of life, florence + the machine

That's the post! I'm so excited to be moving forward with sharing this story with the world, and I hope you enjoyed this peek at it :) Chat with me down below! What are you working on right now on the WIP front?

  Hello guys! as it turns out, my blogging in 2021-2022 was so inconsistent that I simply...never shared goals for 2022. Suffice to say, I did not make most of them, so we're going to scrub that all clean and start over with my Hyper Realistic Goals for 2023.

Something that I've realized lately is that if you want to grow, you have to start by bursting out of the ground. For the longest time, I've felt like I was stuck in a bleak hole of depression and sadness. I've taken some important steps toward getting out of the hole, and now I think I might actually be out of the hole and standing on level ground. As a result, maybe I can actually grow.

That's where my goals come in. These aren't crazy ambitious, but they're a start. My hope for this year is that I'll be able to thrive.

I have WAY more goals than I'll be sharing here (some are personal; some are spiritual), but of the ones I'm striving for, here are the most important. A few of them. We be vibing this year.

1) ACTUALLY achieve my fitness goals.

2) Read 52 books.

3) Reach 1,000 Instagram followers.

4) 50 Flash Fictions Challenge

5) Put $500 in short term savings.

6) Work out three times per week.

7) Write the first drafts of 2 novels. 

8) Learn at least 3 new vegan recipes.

9) Memorize a full Psalm.

10) Get better about giving.

Hello, everybody! This isn't my traditional Wrapping up 2022, Establishing 2023 post--that will come NEXT week, when I've actually made my New Year's resolutions. The purpose of this post is to talk about some very exciting things I'll be doing in 2023 in hopes of growing my author brand and my writing--as well as growing my relationship with you guys! 

There are four of these things, so we'll tick them off real quick (except the last one. Hold onto your hats, because the last one is easily my favorite thing I'll be doing this year mwahaha)

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I always say I'm going to do better about blogging, but this year I MEAN IT Y'ALL. We're doing graphic design. We're doing a SCHEDULE. We're doing ALL THE THINGS.

I'll be blogging on Mondays like always, 4 times a month, and my schedule is likely going to be something like:

1st Monday: Writing update or advice

2nd Monday: a short story (EEP)

3rd Monday: something poetic, something about God

4th Monday: Writing update or advice

You may notice that there's no life update type stuff on this list. (Even if you didn't: I'm pointing it out. Hahaha). And that is because OHOHO it's time for the REAL update:

Newsletter

Fifty Flash Fictions 

I'm back to working for Havok this year, and I'm hoping to write a good bit for Havok, too. Flash fiction is such a fun way to flex your writing muscles--it's like the bicep curls you do to warm up before you start setting a deadlift PR. (I'm a gym rat these days, if you missed that). I love flash fiction, so I decided to set myself a challenge of writing lots of it this year. 

 Well. One thing led to another, and now I'm doing Fifty Flash Fictions, one for each week of the year (plus a little wiggle room because I know myself and two weeks off is probably going to be helpful.) I made a database of 65 prompts, of which I'll choose 50 as time goes on. Each month, I'll be posting one of those stories here, on this blog, on the 2nd Monday of each month. The other ones I'll be holding onto. Some I may submit to Havok. Some might be in the newsletter. Others I'll probably hoard like a dragon mwahahaha. But I'm excited by the prospect of that many finished short stories. 

 Here's where the newsletter and you guys come in! Each month, I'll be picking a prompt, which I will include in my newsletter when I send it out. At that point, I'd invite you to write your own flash fiction with that prompt, and then I'll be sharing mine on the blog. You don't have to participate in all 50 weeks to use the prompts, although if you'd like to, the more the merrier! Kal Tomson is planning to do the challenge with me, and I think Brooke will also be participating in some of the weeks. Just let me know in the comments if you're interested in joining. 

 So that's the post! I'm really excited for all that 2023 entails, and I can't wait to see where my writing goes. Talk to me down below! I'd love to hear from you all :)

(the way I typed that post heading initially as 2002 wrapup hahahahaha help)

I struggle SO much with wrapping up years at this point--they feel infinite and yet like a matter of seconds. I've aged a lot, and my life no longer wraps up neatly into a nice little bow. But I'm going to share everything anyway, because I miss the days when we all did this.

Music of 2022

Books of 2022

THIS TRILOGY. Haven't read book 3 yet but GOODNESS 4.5 stars overall to the first two. I love mysterious mystery-type mysteries and this one DELIVERED

WESTERN FANTASY WITH MOTORCYCLES???? YES PLEASE

Buddy read with Brooke, and it's actually another mystery? I do NOT read this many but Caroline George can write any genre and I'll thank her for it

Sometimes, when you've spent your entire life asking why, you need a book like this to smack you in the face and send you back to your senses. Wow.

Writing

-Okay I actually wrote a lot this year? Surprise?

-Spring was basically nothing because I took too many classes but I wrote a 40-page paper on billionaires and historical corruption

-I also wrote a paper on Virginia Woolf that I absolutely loved 

-Over the summer: A short novel called Wanderess and the Winged which needs heavy edits before it can see the light of day but IT EXISTS

-Fall: I wrote Knife in the Back which I'm sure you're all sick of hearing about but it exists also

-Lots of planning for next year!

-EDITING A MAGIC STORY THAT'S A LOT OLDER BUT I'M SO EXCITED 

Life

-JANUARY: College was a thing, yes, yes, yes

-FEBRUARY: Financial problems! Exhaustion! 

-MARCH: the way I remember NOTHING from the spring semester is deeply concerning

-APRIL: My 19th birthday! Going home! Sleep! The Concussion!

-MAY: Became an events assistant and started working full time 

-JUNE: The Concussion 2.0 and I remember nothing else

-JULY: Traveling through the entire American West. Cooking on a budget! Writing!

-AUGUST: SO much crazy

-SEPTEMBER: Gray Havens concert! School! 

-OCTOBER: New boss! School! 

-NOVEMBER: SCHOOL

-DECEMBER: *long, drawn out deep breath*

All in all, it's been a year of all over the place. Huge life things have happened, many of which I continue to hold close to my chest. But God is still good. And my reminder to all of you, as to myself, is this: God will hold us fast.

Tell me about your year in the comments!

 there is a king. the Lord is come.

Lord on high, help us to remember that you are here

Help us to recall your coming

and not to be apathetic,

because this is not a small thing that has happened

you see only a baby

you smile at the fuzzy christmas card, at the bright and shining star, hanging soft and mellow in a dream-filled night sky

the animals are so happy

the world is so peaceful

but lift up the veil, and remember

remember the war waging on the other side of our reality, the shock of the forces of darkness, the rejoicing of the angels

everyone who saw that king knew something was different 

what was it? 

no bright star pointed straight down

but they sensed it

and not only did those who loved him rejoice--

those who hated him felt it too

and they felt the cold shudder 

so REJOICE, beloved

remember who has come, remember what has been done

Emmanuel--God with us

Sound it out

remind yourselves today, and every day--

God IS with us and he has not left 

Jesus Christ, our Savior

Rejoice, Rejoice

Emmanuel shall come

to THEE

 HELLO EVERYBODY!!! I am here to share once again about my book from the fall, Knife in the Back, and this time I've got the very exciting update of FINISHING IT. This book has my heart, so I'm super excited to share more about the WRITING PROCESS ACCCKKKK.

Without further ado, let's jump into the Know the Novel tag! This is part three, where we celebrate the end of a writing challenge (NaNoWriMo-ish for me, but I was trying to write 30k...which I did ;))

The Tag

1. How did writing this novel go all around?

It was honestly so. Fun.

I don't usually write much during the school year, but prioritizing my books made it go SO much better and I'm thrilled with how it turned out. Absolutely thrilled. This is the most fun I've had writing a book in a LONG time. 

Granted, I did have a lot of mental breakdowns over this story--it's the opener to a six-book series, which will be spanning about 10 POV characters and a global conflict. This series has gotten HUGE and I suspect it will only get bigger as I figure out conflicts for my side characters. However, I'm finally on the road to figuring all of that out and I can't WAIT to jump into the next few books and explore my characters' minds more thoroughly.

2. Did it turn out as you expected or completely different? How do you feel about the outcome?

The outcome of this book was about what I expected--I set the climax up from the beginning and NOTHING could stop it from getting to that point, no matter what my characters tried. However, some things have worked out differently. A pair of characters I thought were absolutely going to end up as a couple have now drifted in opposite directions in life, and I'm...not as mad about it as I would've expected. Just MORE space to develop all of this as the story goes along *mysterious smile*

Additionally, one of my characters needs to get his act together and be at least a LITTLE likable. His fate isn't the smack in the gut I want it to be unless the reader cares about him, and...currently no one cares about him, not even me. Haha. Help.

3. What aspect of the story did you love writing about the most? (Characters, plot, setting, prose, etc.)

I LOVE my setting and storyworld, but it needs a LOT more work before it can be an actual story. It's not quite working as well as I was hoping, but I really love it, and I think I know how to fix it all. 

My characters, though. While their arcs need some strengthening, I am in LOVE with all six of my POV characters (well, five of them at least), and I am a huge huge fan of their arcs.

4. What was your least favorite part?

Probably never being sure how the arcs were going to end up >.< It's hard to write when you don't know much! And my characters kept shifting their outcomes. But I'm almost as stubborn as they are, and I decided I WAS going to get them there, no matter WHAT it took.

5. What do you feel needs the most work?

Probably setting. I really want this storyworld to feel like a real place--a city built on a canal, divided into five sectors, each with its own distinctions. I did almost nothing with that this time, and edits need to make that a much stronger distinction.

6. How do you feel about your characters now? Who’s your favorite? Least favorite? Anyone surprise you? Give us all the details!

My favorite is probably Aver. He's my small bean and he just does not want to be here--but he's turned into the secret piece that will propel the entire series forward. He's into the sciences, health, and medicine--and his explorations will, quite literally, spur on the entire rest of the plot. He's my little sarcastic Done wonderboy and I love him with my entire soul.

Least favorite: Annie, at this point, because it's just so hard to nail her POV. Her scenes are probably the closest to correct in terms of what happens in them and where they fall, but I somehow don't think any of them will stay, because I need to get her voice right if I'm going to sell her as a character. She's a strange little thing, but she's also my villain, so I need her to work.

7. What’s your next plan of action with this novel?

I'm going to let it stew for a little while and then I am going to LAUNCH edits like missiles. Just kidding. But also...this is a book I want to see DONE, and I want it to work. I'm going to be spending a lot of time in 2023 editing, getting this sent to my critique partner, and writing new scenes. 

Overall: Writing this whole thing has been really hard, but I'm so excited to figure it out and write it in a smooth, complete way.

8. If you could have your greatest dream realized for this novel, what would it be?

Publication! And in a way that allows me to do the series in EXACTLY the way I want it to be ^_^ It's a complex web but if I'm allowed to do it the way I want it to go....ooh BABY it's going to be epic.

9. Share some of your favorite snippets!

Aver shook his head and started up the stairs.

Years ago, he’d graduated from this institution with honors and an invention that could save lives… if he could only prove that it would work. He just hadn’t done it fast enough. Most people didn’t finish until they were twenty-two; he’d finished at nineteen, and he’d done everything he could. The stack in his room of top marks papers haunted his every moment.

All the knowledge in the world lurked in the books kept in this place. All the knowledge in the world, his to consume—but it hadn’t been enough. None of it had been enough. He clutched his notebook closer to distract himself from his thoughts.

The doors were heavy. He jerked it open with his free hand and entered the main hall. No one in the room knew who he really was. He was nothing but a student in here, another face in the crowd. His discoveries weren’t special to anyone but his professors, and he didn’t have many friends in here.

Two perfect worlds. One of perfect anonymity where his accomplishments were honored by only the people he wanted to know. Another world where he was everything and his job was to be the perfect backup to a perfect man. Friends of a certain kind. He’d built up two different families for himself.

10. Did you glean any new writing and/or life lessons from writing this novel?

Hello everybody! Big news today: I finished writing Knife in the Back on November 20th (and it clocked in at a WHOPPING 106k)!

I'm super excited to share this with y'all, and I decided that rather than doing my standard book finishing post, I'm going to do something a little different. That post is coming soon, but it will take a long time for me to write, so instead...in honor of Midnights, let's assign each of the MCs from this book a Taylor Swift song!

(There is no album criteria here. I just picked the song I felt picked each of the leads, haha. There's DEFINITELY room for debate here!)

Estelle--Haunted (Speak Now)

Dantyl-- Maroon (Midnights)

Aver--this is me trying (folklore)

Tristan--The Last Time (Red)

Annie--I Did Something Bad (reputation)

Zayn--The Archer (Lover)

1. How’s the writing going overall?

I'm at 98,000 words as I type this! I'm very very excited--I haven't written a book longer than 80-85k in literal years. Not since 2019. So the fact that I've still, in fact, got it is thrilling. 

2. What’s been the most fun aspect about writing this novel so far?

Getting to delve DEEP into these characters' psyches has been amazing. I'm juggling six POVs from the very get-go this time around, which I don't normally do until the later books of a series (for reference, while the first Pentegreens book initially had 2 main POVs and two secondary POVs, the fourth one had seven). But I'm messing with people of a lot of different kinds, and it's been so fun to work with characters with vast emotional ranges.

3. What do you think of your characters at this point? Who’s your favorite to write about?

I love all of my characters. I think my favorite overall is probably Aver--his character arc is so distinct from everyone else. Aver is a little cinnamon roll boy, who's getting the fantasy equivalent of his Ph.D. and got stuck working in the assassin clans in the meantime. He's an investment and he knows it, but he's happy to just focus on making life easier for his family and friends. And the EMOTIONS. We've got a lot to work with here.

As for the rest of them...Let's just say things are going to get painful now that I really know them all.

4. Has your novel surprised you in any way?

Probably mostly in that it's taken on far more of a group ensemble feel than I was originally expecting! I was fully expecting this to center on Estelle, with only some side focus--but I guess having 6 main POVs will do that to you, haha. 

5. Have you come across any problem areas?

Keeping the plotting tight is always a problem for me, but goodness knows that's what editing is for. Sometimes I get carried away in characters' minds and forget to actually do things with them. Gotta work on this.

6. What’s been your biggest victory with writing this novel at this point?

I'm actually writing in college! This is a major accomplishment--normally I suck at actually getting words down at school. So the fact that I've written 80k in just a few months here at school already...dude. This is magic. This book is actually going to be something.

7. If you were transported into your novel and became any one of the characters, which one do you think you’d be? Would you take any different actions than they have?

If I were in my novel...probably...I'd probably be Yelena, one of my side characters, and I would make VERY different decisions. Haha. I love Yelena, but she is not the queen of good decisions.

8. Give us the first sentence or paragraph then 2 (or 3!) more favorite snippets!

The first few lines: 

If killing were a prize to be won, she’d have the first-place trophy. Both for quality and quantity.

Estelle slipped through the shadows, her hood drawn up over her face to conceal it. The streets were empty this late at night; only a few windows still burned with lights, and those few would soon go out. It was raining, as it almost always did at night; the moisture made her skin feel alive. It would water the earth and give new life to the weeds bursting through the cracks in the cobblestones.

Estelle shook her head, letting raindrops cascade down her back. The darkness was hardy enough of a cover, but she didn’t care anymore. A shiver slid down her spine.

9. Share an interesting tidbit about the writing process so far! (For example: Have you made any hilarious typos? Derailed from your outline? Killed off a character? Changed projects entirely? Anything you want to share!)

Well...I thought I knew how this duology ended. I knew what all the characters were doing, what their final positions were going to be, and everything in between. But then I was thinking about it and went... What if I did not do that?

I swear I do this every time.

But here we are, and I'm super super excited about the way this is going now! We're going to THRIVE, y'all. I realized how little I was invested in these characters (because I knew how it was going to end), and I decided that something needed to be done. And now I am FLYING, and I've rarely been so excited about character development as I am with this crew now. Estelle, Tristan, Zayn, and the rest of the crew are my favorite characters ever now. No exaggeration. (And I hope someday y'all love them as much as I do!)

10. Take us on a tour of what a normal writing day for this novel looks like. Where do you write? What time of day? Alone or with others? Is a lot of coffee (or some other drink) consumed? Do you light candles? Play music? Get distracted by social media (*cough, cough*)? Tell all!

I have to dig time out for this novel from the pit of school, so it usually ends up with me either sitting in my bunk bed or my study cubicle, pounding out words while avoiding eye contact with my physics textbook. I drink lots of water. I blast music in my earbuds, whatever happens to be the vibe of the day, and I go. That's...about it. This hasn't been an aesthetic or cute process--it's been ugly, tired, and sleep-deprive. But the book is BEING WRITTEN. And I am in love with it.

How is your current writing going? Talk to me in the comments! I want to hear about ALL the WIPs!

Hey, everybody! It's the time of year again when some people start writing books. Not me. I don't have time because of College. But I do want to share my current WIP--the one I've been working on for the past few months--because Christine finally released her Know the Novel tag for this year! And I figure that's a perfect time to introduce the new book :)

You can find out more about Know the Novel here. For now, I'm so so excited to introduce my WIP!

1. What first sparked the idea for this novel?

At risk of spoilers...the story I'm about to share with you is a light prequel to the Pentegreens series. It comes from a long, long process of trying to humanize the relationship between two characters, a relationship that has done nothing but give me grief. I wanted it to mean something, and to take something from my own soul, something important. It turned into a story of redemption, of dark deeds and impossible saves, of assassins and new hope. It also was lightly or maybe heavily inspired by a Havok flash fiction I wrote (but I won't tell you which one yet...)

2. Share a blurb (or just an overall summary)!

3. Where does the story take place? What are some of your favorite aspects of the setting?

This novel takes place largely in the city of Brodie. Brodie is a large city built into the banks of a river, and it's in the North, so it's cold and cloudy all the time. A cold wind from the coast is constantly blasting the inhabitants. The city itself is divided in five districts--the center of the city belongs to the king, and each of the other four districts is the domain of one of the assassin lords.

This is a story I'm trying to weave a lot of history into, and I'm really enjoying that aspect. It's also set in the world of Pentegreens, so each of the characters has their own distinct magical abilities in varying degrees of strength and effectiveness, which is lots of fun to play with. I'm also tightening the rules of the magic system--the assassins wield their powers in very different ways from the cast of Pentegreens.

Finally, I decided to bite the bullet and infuse this story with steampunk elements. Because there's nothing better than steampunk, fantasy university, and that sort of thing.

4. Tell us about your protagonist(s).

bad leg//struggles//faked smiles//double knives//the memories are so heavy//exhaustion//things will get better someday right?

things will only get better if we make them better//masks//deadly power//more, more, more power//lonely at the top//long sigh

morality//smiley emojis//happiness//large family//fire powers//everything is a mess but that's okay//i'm not an optimist but my best friend isn't either//hang on

5. Who (or what) is the antagonist?

Annie: hard though I've tried, I cannot picture Annie as anybody but Marilyn. Haha. She's a little bit crazy, but her biggest goal is to conquer, to come out on top, and to finally fill the void in her chest with either love or power. Either way will do. 

what if we found love?//needs a bf//tightrope//pink dresses//we're all mad here//everybody loves me? right?//power will make me happy

6. What excites you the most about this novel?

7. Is this going to be a series? standalone? something else?

8. Are you plotting? pantsing? plansting?

9. Name a few unique elements in this story.

10. Share some fun “extras” of the story (a song or full playlist, some aesthetics, a collage, a Pinterest board, a map you’ve made, a special theme you’re going to incorporate, ANYTHING you want to share!).