WRITING AND THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES: Quality Time

by - March 09, 2020



It's time for the second post in this series! This is a post that is VERY near and dear to my heart: quality time. This is, in fact, MY love language, and if you spend time with me--BOOM. New best friend right there. Give me your time and I will give you mine.

With that in mind, let's not hesitate to dive straight into this topic!

First of all: QUALITY TIME =/= KISSING TIME. I've received requests to deal with the friendship side of things in these posts, too, so you will get some of that toward the end of this! But to start with: Romance.

When I say quality time, I don't mean "quality alone time to kiss and cuddle n' stuff." No, I mean...let's talk! Let's do things that are FUN! Let's go for long walks and take pictures and spontaneously roadtrip and go to the bookstore together and get coffee and hang out and text late into the night and pour our time into doing the OTHER things.

Sure, sometimes that does mean some soft kisses or a hug or something. But more often than not...talking and DOING things is best. I have a scene where two of my girls are out throwing knives together. Another where my protagonist offers to fix someone's nest of hair. There's a moment where a mother and daughter sit together in a sickroom and cry together. Another where a girl has insomnia, and her best friend sneaks her out of the house and drives around and talks to her about her fears for a few hours.

I think that in novels, the best way to describe quality time would be: a chance to allow two or more characters to interact as people, and show the readers something about each of them--and their relationship--at the same time.

The best thing about writing with this love language? You can fit it in anywhere. LITERALLY anywhere. You have to build up to a kissing scene; you have to use the circumstances to find specific acts of services; you have to weave gift-giving into the plot. But there is ALWAYS a chance to put quality time into your novel.

Have your characters work together to search the library for the information they need for their quest! When they're locked in the dungeon, let them have a heart-to-heart! If there's a road trip scene, instead of cutting to black, if you have time, give your characters a chance to open up and talk to each other! I once snuck quality time into the middle of a BATTLE SCENE with a husband and wife, so if I can do that, you can too.

A factor of this that makes things especially fun is the fact that it allows you to have an even deeper character-driven novel. I know some of us are plot-first, but writing character-driven books allows the reader to really get into the story and feel it. If they root for the character, they'll root for the story. I've read books where I don't even remember the plot--but the characters burn like shooting stars in my imagination for years after I've read it. Making deeper characters gives you the chance to let your characters do the same thing.

It can be a struggle to find the balance, but incorporating this particular love language into your story gives you a chance to slow down the story a bit and delve deep into your characters. In the Keeper of the Lost Cities series (Heyyyyy Nicole ;)), some of my favorite scenes are the ones where there isn't a lot of plot-related stuff going on, but where the protagonist is allowed a moment to just talk to her friends or her parents or whatever. Those books (sometimes) have plots, but they like to focus on the characters. And even if the plots drag sometimes, the reader cares enough about the characters to keep going.

I kinda forgot about romance here, but that's because this love language is so universal and ends up being so critical to our stories. I hope this post inspires y'all to add some more character-driven scenes and moments to your books, and makes it possible for you to delve deeper into the minds and hearts of your characters!

It will ALWAYS be about the characters when it comes to books. Movies can be plot-driven. Books? Books are character-driven. So give us good characters, and give them complex and beautiful relationships.

THAT is the way to write a story people will love.

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20 comments

  1. AWESOME post! I feel like this love language is forgotten in 67% of published books. XD but yessss, those are my favorite parts in KOTLC too! ;)

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    1. It is it really is *sobs* (and also can we talk about the fact that Sophie actually spends quality time with Keefe and doesn't just stare at how gorgeous he is the whole time >:) ;))

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  2. This is my love language too! I agree with that it doesn't equal physical touch, actually a few years back physical touch was at the bottom of my love languages and I couldn't stand it. Now it's my third, but quality time still just means spend time with me, let's go for a hike, look at the stars, go for a car ride, etc. :))
    Amazing post!!

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    1. Heyyy physical touch has moved up the chart for my love languages too xD But yessss I love spending time with people SO MUCH.
      Thanks!

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  3. I loooooove quality time between characters in books, and it's hard to find really good ones. I've been writing it between my various characters and just loving the results. I hope readers do, too!

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    1. It can be really hard! But I know for a fact that if you keep working at it, the readers will LOVE it.

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  4. Yes, this one is so important!!! Probably on the top of my list, too. When characters just hang out and talk it is THE BEST!!!! <3

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  5. YAAAAY!!! I've been waiting for the next post to this series! Huzzah for quality time! Words of affirmation is my first love language, but quality time is a very close second. And can I just scream a big AMEN to quality time NOT equaling kissing??? Like I said, it's one of my top love languages BUT physical touch is my LEAST love language. So that proves right there, make out sessions are NOT THE SAME THING.

    I loved eeeeverything you said here. Writing those quiet moments between characters is SO important. Lots of action is good and well, but we won't CARE about the action (a.k.a. what's happening to the characters IN the action) if we don't get to know the characters! I call it the fireside chat, because I always think of the scene in Tangled when Rapunzel and Flynn talk by the fireside. THAT is the moment their relationship grows and we get to REALLY knew who they are, especially Flynn. That movie, their growth, and their entire relationship wouldn't have meant NEARLY as much if that scene had been cut.

    You may have the coolest plot and most amazing world ever, but if no one cares about the characters, there's no POINT. And the way to get to know them is those "fireside chats" a.k.a quality time!

    And I'm literally just repeating everything you said, because YOU SUMMED IT UP SO WELLLLLL!!!!!! This was perfect.

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    1. Thank you!!!! And yessss I love this love langugae so much. It is mine and I will call it squishy and it will be my squishy.

      YES!!!!! I love that name for it and THOSE ARE SO IMPORTANT. You can't have anything else without the interactions.

      AMEN. I'm just going to steal that and replace this entire post with that one line xD

      ThANK YOU!!!!!! <3

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  6. Yesss I love this!! Some of the BEST scenes on screen or in books are the ones where the characters spend quality time with each other! They're the ones that make you feel ALL THE FEELS. Christine mentioned Rapunzel and Flynn's fireside talk, and just YES that is one of my favorite examples of this. The scenes where the story maybe slows down and you're just a fly on a wall while the characters are just BEING together. That's the best. <3

    theonesthatreallymatter.blogspot.com

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    1. Yes! It's just the best when that happens and I love it. More authors need to incorporate that.

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  7. 'EYY this is my love language!!! I LOVE when characters have these sort of scenes. <33

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  8. I love thiiiiiis. Great advice on characters from the queen of character-driven stories! :D

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  9. Fantastic post! Love when the plot slows a bit and characters get to bond.

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