SOME THOUGHTS ON SINGLENESS: They're probably different from the normal stuff lol

by - May 31, 2019

Singleness is not a waiting period.
Singleness is not a waiting period. 
Singleness is not a waiting period. 
Singleness is not a waiting period. 

How's that for an intro, eh? *chuckles awkwardly* Apparently I'm not in the mood to split hairs today. This is  a topic I feel very strongly about (you probably couldn't tell), and so today I'm here to rant a bit about singleness and the Christian walk. 

First up: I am single! I have been single for my entire life! I've never had a boyfriend, serious or otherwise, and while there have been times when I've wished a little bit to have that special somebody already, for the most part, I can't even explain how freeing it is. There's so much more time that belongs to me and solely to me as a result of my singleness. I have so many opportunities. I can devote more time to God. I seriously understand where Paul is coming from when, in 1 Corinthians, he's talking about singleness and says he wishes all were like him and understood. Because being single is AMAZING!!!!!! 

And that's what I want to address. I'll say it again: 

SINGLENESS IS NOT A WAITING PERIOD.

Let's talk about what I mean by that.

Clearly, I don't think we should be using our time being single as an excuse to date around, see lots of people, or compromise on our standards. I'm still a Christian and I think that our bodies and our romantic relationships are very valuable, special, and important. By no means do I want Christians to toss their ideas of purity, because our world is a dirty enough place already, and we don't need even more Christians engaged in that. 

However, I do want to attack--and yes, I am actually going to attack this, because it's harmful and it needs to be addressed--the idea that being single is just "a time to wait." That's our slogan, isn't it? Rebecca St. James (a wonderful singer, by the way) has a song called "Wait for Me". "Darlin', don't you know that I dream about you?" she croons before asking her future husband to wait on her. "Being single" is so often seen as a stage, a temporary discomfort before we actually meet Mr. Right and get to move on with our lives. Christian women, especially, seem to be encouraged to hover within their homes, engaging in housework and family care and not much else as they wait. Because being single is a time to wait. Wait on sex, wait on commitment, wait on your husband (I'm picking on the women here because I am one, but this could apply to either gender). WAIT, we're told. JUST WAIT.

This! Is! Harmful! 

We shouldn't be making WAITING our first priority of this season. What if you were married and informed that your only goal should be waiting on children? What if you're a student and you believe that since your future is on its way, the only thing you should do is wait for your graduation? "I'm a student now, but oh man, I can't wait til I graduate!" is an okay thing to say. But what if you're just spending every minute of every day thinking not of the future you're going to have AFTER you graduate, or the life you have now BEFORE you've graduated, and instead you're just daydreaming about walking the stage to get your diploma?

You can do so, so many things as a single person. We joke about "the gift of singleness" and the Babylon Bee had an article about how it wanted to "return to sender," but honestly, IT IS A GIFT. You're single for a reason, and that reason is not just to sit and put a "I'm Worth Waiting For" sticker on your laptop.

We should value our time being single. Marriage is beautiful and having a significant other is by no means bad...but if our culture valued singleness more, both secular and Christian, think of all the things we could avoid. Think of the upsurge of purity.

"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances," says Paul in Philippians 4. Let's be content to be single, folks. It's a gift. 

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28 comments

  1. All I can say to this is... AMEN!!! Singleness is not a "pre-marriage stage." That's not how it should be defined, even for those who WILL get married later, and even though God IS preparing their hearts for that right now in so many ways they can't see. God has so much more for us right now than "getting ready for marriage."

    But you put it better. Just... YES!

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    1. THANK YOU! <3 This is very well written itself and so SUCCINCT and I love it <3 Thank you thank you thank you! <3

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  2. I sooooooo agree. I know there was a time where I might not have liked it so much. And then being in and out of a relationship made it harder. But now? I'm blessed. There's so much I can do that I couldn't do if I had a husband or children to think of. Being single means more opportunities for travel, working, and such. Of course, it's easy to get set in our ways and become selfish as we don't have to think of others as often, so we should be careful of that. But .... why wait when you can live (in a holy, perfect way, not "live it up" as some might take this)?
    LOVE your opening, hair splitting lines ;)


    keturahskorner.blogspot.com

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    1. I 100% agree with all of this. We can get selfish...but at the same time the freedom and the opportunities are so worth it and I love this. <3
      awww thank you! <3 xD

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  3. I agree with all of this! Just because we’re single doesn’t mean it’s “wasted time” at all. In fact, we’ve got more time to do things! Great post!

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    1. Right?! God doesn't give us wasted time xD Thank you!

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  4. Yes, I agree! And life is so busy right now, and I am enjoying were I am! Great post!


    astorydetective.blogspot.com

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  5. yesss, I get you, cos there's literally no guarantee you'll ever get married and if you just keep on waiting ... you might end up disappointed and regretting it later.

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    1. RIGHT?! That's my biggest beef--like what if you're single forever but you waste your whole life WAITING?! Grrrr :{

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  6. Yes! I'm so glad that you put this into words!!

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  7. I think the main thing that bugs me about how some people treat singleness is that they HAVE to be in relationship or they're not happy. Like... no? I mean, I guess for non-Christians it's harder to swallow because they don't have Jesus to love them and give them peace, so a romantic relationship seems to be the only thing that will satisfy them. But I get frustrated sometimes when people feel like they have to have someone.

    There's nothing wrong with wanting and hoping to get married, but sometimes I'm like, jeez people. Slow down, life is actually really great as a single person. xD

    theonesthatreallymatter.blogspot.com

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    1. I 100% agree with all of this--it's so frustrating and it makes me sad. Like...you can live a great life even if you are single! xD

      AGREED SO MUCH AGREED. <3

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  8. Oh my gosh YES. I agree 10293120391208391284012984129039812903128%. I have nothing to add. NOTHING.
    So well put, Faith! ^^

    ~ Lily Cat (Boots) | lilycatscountrygirlconfessions.blogspot.com

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  9. *APPLAUDS FOR A THOUSAND YEARS* YES yes YeS YESSSSS!!!

    THE
    GOAL
    IS
    NOT
    TO
    GET
    MARRIED.

    You get married BECAUSE you were blessed to find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. THAT IS IT. THAT IS THE O N L Y REASON. If you have other reasons for marriage something is WRONG.

    I am soooo proud of you for coming to this conclusion so early in life. I, erm, was not that mature at your age. It didn't help that allll my friends were getting married at like 18 (no joke) and I felt like something was wrong with me. Just??? NO. I wasted so, soooooo, SO much of my life thinking, "Well, my life will REALLY begin once I'm married." Seriously, Christine. SERIOUSLY??? A lot of it was my own fault, obviously, but I WAS surrounded by the Christian mentality of "waiting on Prince Charming" and all that. And just...why is it a game of waiting? We should be giving life our all every. single. day. Should be LIVING, no matter what are circumstances are or where we are in life. There is no waiting! There is just LIVING.

    Not to mention my life will be veryyy different when I'm married and not allow for all the free time I have right now to pursue writing and such. Not to say you can't pursue your dream when you're married and have kids. OF COURSE YOU CAN. But as I watch all my friends have to focus so much on their husbands and children (because when you're 27 like me most of your friends are already married and having kids...) I'm...kind of super grateful to just be ME and really only responsible for myself. AND THAT SOUNDS BAD. My friends have beautiful, precious lives, and I'd loved to be married one day and have children. I really would. BUT I've also learned to be fully content in singleness because, well, singleness is AWESOME. It took me way, waaaay too long to get to this point, but now I'm 100% happy with being a single pringle!

    ANYWAYS. THIS POST WAS EVERYTHING. So glad you said something! Singleness being a period of waiting is such a poisonous mindset we Christians have been feeding ourselves. It needs to stop! Let's just LIVE. And IF we find someone we want to spend the rest of our lives, AWESOME. If not? That's cool too! Because LIFE IS NOT ABOUT MARRYING.

    Okay. I'm done. I am. You just hit on a topic I could rant about for aaaages. XD

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    1. I AGREE. I AGREE SO MUCH.

      I totally understand why you would have that mindset, though, especially under those circumstances xD But I agree about the waiting game! We're not guaranteed a Prince Charming...so why are we all acting like we are? *wails in frustration*

      We all lead different lives and I think that's beautiful! And I'm so glad you've made peace with your singleness. That's beautiful <3

      THANK YOU! Agh, I appreciate your comments so very much. <3 You're the sweetest. :D

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  10. I've always hated the waiting idea. I've been enjoying singleness immensely.

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  11. YES. Thank you! While I don't see anything wrong with getting married, (I myself would love to get married one day), it's not a 'waiting period'. You still have a life! You can do things! YOU ARE A PERSON WHO CAN FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS. Seriously!

    Because the thing is, what if you DON'T find that special someone? What if the Lord doesn't have plans for you to get married? ...What are you left doing? Wishing you had done something with your life instead of just waited for someone that wasn't ever going to come. It's really sad.

    Thank you for sharing this post! It's really nice to know I'm not alone in this thinking. :)

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    1. Yes! Your life is still important even before you're married!!!!!

      RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT. It makes me so sad that people think you can't have a life when you're not married! Your attitude is awesome!!!

      You're so welcome! Thank YOU for commenting!

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