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 Hello. My name is Faith, and I am terrible at being honest.

That might be a weird way to intro a post. You folks might be confused by it. But I want to say it. I need to say it. I am terrible at honesty in my writing.

For so long, my goal has been honesty in storytelling. I want my books to tell the story of reality as it truly is. I want the books I write to be valuable because they are real and honest and speak to something very deep in the world. I want their themes to matter and touch people's souls.

But I can't even be honest with myself half the time in my books.

Who am I? Who is the person who wrote those books? I'm not sure I know. But what I do know is this: My books are valuable and they are full of truth. 

Just a few ways I have encountered truth in this art form, ways I've found to slip pieces of a higher Something into my words:

• Pentegreens: one of the main themes is the weak being made strong. Kindness and love can save all things--but GOODNESS they are hard to actually attain. There is a scene with a dream of peace, one that does not remove all of the pain already faced, but which washes over the MC.
• Watched: can you hold onto anything that does not matter? Can you hold onto what matters when everyone in the entire world is against you?
• Holding Up the Sky: love is important. Love is the thing that holds all things together, and the gifts we've been given as creatives help keep the world together.

Christian fiction is a difficult genre to find real gems in. I love, love, love me a good fantasy novel with lots of deep symbolism, though. If I find one I love? Oh, baby. We are golden.

Since I know there are lots of y'all out here who don't want to settle for sickly sweet "clean" romance or hammer-fisted sermons...I wanted to assemble a list. Some great fantasy books await, all of them chock-full of gorgeous imagery, allegory, themes and characters. They're not great because they are written by Christians, but rather because of what they say about the King.

Let's get right into it!

Because you can't do this without SOME classics...here it is! MacDonald himself was a bit of a questionable individual, and you'll notice some whackadoo symbolism in many of his books. This one, however, was designed for small children, and therefore is just beautiful. I read it for my C.S. Lewis seminar for a project, and the influences on Lewis' works, especially the Chronicles of Narnia, is blatant. If you're looking for a quick but joyful read, I strongly recommend this children's story.

The GOAT himself for Christian writing, Lewis went truly all out on this novel. It is easily the greatest of his works, and I've already read it twice. It sticks out to me every time I read it, and I've annotated the heck out of my copy. It's an absolutely gorgeous symbolism about how our feeble attempts to create gods for ourselves can never satisfy--but if we actually get even a glimpse at His back, the entire world begins to make a semblance of sense. I could write pages and pages and pages about this book, and I have in the past (haha) but I will save that for academia and just say: READ THIS BOOK.

This series, y'all. I'm only putting the first one here, but the whole series is incredible and I wish more people were talking about it at this point. I don't think any series has ever had THIS much of a chokehold on my imagination. I could never write a book this beautiful. The first book is very heavy-handed allegorically (but still immaculately beautiful). After that, it's a little more subtle, but still gorgeous and tear-inducing. I am begging you, if you love fantasy and you're a Christian, read these. (Read them even if you aren't a Christian or if you don't love fantasy. Artwork like this is like lightning--it only strikes occasionally).

While this book is less heavy on the Christian elements, it's still an absolutely beautiful picture of redemption and hope. The family in this story is truly incredible, and I haven't encountered many stories that are this gritty and real about the healing required from years of trauma. A good Christian book understands that healing is not overnight or instantaneous--it takes work, and this duology is a beautiful depiction of that in all its intricacy.

This is more of a contemporary and also an adult novel. It's actually a really hard book to describe--it hurts a lot to read, and it's incredibly dark at times, but it's a very good book with lots of beautiful symbolism and some very blatant light in darkness. There's a vaguely devil-ish character, a character who serves as something of a Christ figure, an unreliable narrator who's also ten years old... you name it. It's truly amazing. I've had the privilege of reading this one for a novel-writing class and I absolutely loved it.

This one is a very fun fantasy adventure with a lot of tropes and a beautiful group of characters with siblings and marriage of convenience and more. And assassins. DREAM assassins. If y'all haven't read this one, you should. It's so good and the trilogy is amazing--the books just get better as they go. And I need y'all to understand just how amazing the love interest is.

What are your favorite Christian books? Does anyone have a recommendation for me? Drop your favorites in the comments below!

 

Okay guys it is that time again! I keep losing my train of thought and ending up with something totally random on these stories, but this one is possibly the first in a series and I love it immensely. I wrote the whole thing in about 20 minutes so I apologize profusely for the quality, but HERE YA GO:

 

GUYYYYYS oops I. Did it again.

*channels Britney for about one second before puking*

Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, MY NEW BOOK! Guys, I'm so so so stoked to reveal the working title and blurb for my WIP/the book I just finished! So without further ado: let's get RIGHT into this and talk about my book, which I wrote from May-June! (Not as impressive as it sounds--it is not very long, haha).

Traitor, Traitor

He's trying to find his brother. She wants to avenge hers. If they're going to succeed, they'll have to trust each other--but out here, trust can be deadly.

Miranda's brother went missing a year ago on the Mountain, a place where all kinds of crimes are completely legal. Outside the jurisdiction of the Courts, the Killing Mountain is a place rife with crime, where murderers get off scot-free...as long as they don't get caught by the vigilantes who seek their own form of justice. And then there are the blood traders to contend with, sworn to a non-lethal code, but willing to resort to violence to stop people from reaching the Mountain in the first place.

Miranda is not afraid of vigilantes or traders. She will have justice for her brother's death, come what may. But when she meets Joseph--a pacifist who just wants to reach the other side of the Mountain--her world is shaken. Throw in a blue-eyed stalker and a woman who loves shooting as much as she loves silks, and Miranda has far more than she signed up for. Trusting Joseph may be her only way out...unless Joseph is the killer himself.

About 60k-ish words

Fantasy thriller

Probably best described as The English (miniseries) meets The Scorpio Races meets real-world Yellowstone National Park with LOTS of Western tropes

I love this book so much, y'all. It's very different from anything else I've ever written--more Western than fantasy, not very character-driven, and no wars at all. This is a quest for vengeance--or is it justice? Hard to tell when the lines get this blurred.

Without further ado: My characters!

 It's all the rage right now--ENEMIES TO LOVERS. There's just something about the tension there--the tension that comes from two characters who were once sworn enemies but find themselves drawn to one another, often against their will. Unrequited enemies to lovers? Even better. TikTok has its own category for these books. They're in every single fantasy book ever.

Usually, they're all the same. The girl is a hero, and there are only two options: a) she's a nobody or b) she's the strongest fighter on the good guys' side. She's drop-dead gorgeous, probably has a guy best friend, has some kind of extreme talent, and is a shoo-in for queen. She might even be the princess.

Then we've got a guy who's a villain, by all intents and purposes. He's probably attacked our protagonist at least once (she is the protagonist, btw). This guy is either the evil king's son or the evil king's general. He's one of their best fighters and he's probably been assigned to hunt the girl down.

I don't know about you guys, but most of the time, this gives me the ick because the vibes are stalker-ish, abusive, and far too on the nose.

The guy is usually "redeemed" through the power of love, and most of the time this is a purely physical thing. There's not usually a friendship stage or even a stage where the two just work together--they're just enemies, and then one day, the tension becomes too much and they kiss. Not good. Not my favorite thing. BUT enemies to lovers can be fabulous if done well--so how do you do it well?

Let's pull a couple examples of GREAT usage of this trope. There may be some mild spoilers for the stories below, but I'll try to avoid them as much as possible (with the caveat, of course, that I'm outing these characters as getting together by the ending of the story.)

1. Gender-bend the enemies.

2. Remember: abuse is not enemies to lovers, and the story cannot all be based on secrets.

 You hear those words sometimes and you suspect them of being untrue for you. Yes, He saved me--but from what? My sin? Eternal death? Sometimes those feel abstract. My sin still haunts me every minute. My death will still occur one day. Eternal death? That's more abstract than I can even begin to understand.

He saves us from other things, too, though. He saves us in the day to day--but not from death. Not from pain. So what? 

What's the point?

I would point us to the question of purpose. We all want to feel like we HAVE a purpose. Purpose is something that drives me every day. I want to be busy. I want to check things off. I want purpose. I crave it. It drives me every day--

but what if that is what God saves us from?

He saves us from emptiness. He saves us from pointlessness. In Christ there is no ending to time. We don't face eternal death--we face eternal life. Eternal life is the fulfillment of all these things. The Lord saves me from futility. I might not see results here. I might have moments of boredom. But it's not for nothing.

My suffering? I will see fruit.

My longings? I will see fulfillment.

My strivings? I will see my Redeemer.

I know that He lives. I know that He is my salvation. But perhaps that applies to more than the moment itself. He has saved me from sin, from death, and from eternal pain. 

But he also saves me from thinking that my current pain is pointless. There is a point. I can't see it right now, of course--it's distant, far away, and outside of my reach. But I believe that the horizon dips, and that there are answers and truths below it. We can't see them right now. 

But that doesn't mean they're any less there.

The Lord is still my salvation.

Hey guys! It's time for another flash fiction. This one is quite random and not part of a series at all, but I'm going to drop it here and hope y'all enjoy!

 Tropes are everywhere right now (thanks, Booktok). And I do mean EVERYWHERE. I swear, I thought five years ago we were trying to avoid tropes. Now we're trying to bludgeon literally as many as we possibly can into our poor manuscripts. I've seen people on Instagram trying to market their indie books and being like "IT'S AN ENEMIES TO LOVERS, BEST FRIENDS TO LOVERS, CHILDHOOD FRIENDS, HE TURNS INTO A HORSE, HE'S ACTUALLY A VAMPIRE, ONLY ONE BED, SHE FREAKING MURDERS HIM, HE RESURRECTS AS A LARGE INSECT, THEN THEY HAVE A HEA OMG IT'S SO PURE" this is only a slight exaggeration y'all please help me why is this the only form of marketing available 

Watching SO many of these reels has made me realize that some tropes are just objectively better than others. We also need to realize that NOT EVERYTHING IS A TROPE OMG PLEASE STOP. *ahem* So anyway, I'm going to share some of the tropes I think actually bring value to a story and are not just marketing premises. (am I salty? No! Not at all...)

1. Redemption arc (or the bad boy turns good)

2. Grumpy and Sunshine

3. Strangers/Enemies to Friends to Lovers

4. Love triangles

 Success. If you've lived in America for more than five minutes (or even anywhere else), you will probably hear the word success everywhere. It's the kind of thing that gets brought up on an everyday basis. Success, success, success. 

But what is success? And more importantly: how do we know if we've attained it?

I think we have to watch out for a couple of very specific traps when it comes to success. The world likes to tell us that we've made it when we start to feel like we're rich or we've reached the top. (But what's the top?)

I think I've succeeded. 

Is success a metric? I would argue no. I thinks success stems from our attitude. The world would never call a stay-at-home mom successful, even if she raises all her kids to be amazing people and has a wonderful marriage and holds the fort down and is active in her church. But I'd say that's successful.

Success, in a definition, is looking at your life and saying, "God is pleased with how I have used this time he's given me."

Because we all have 24 hours in a day. Yes, we really are equal on that front, no matter what the internet tries to tell you. As Paul says, we've all been given the chance to build on the same foundation. Gold, silver, precious stones, wood, straw, and hay are our materials. Some of those will do better in the fire than others. But we're still building.

I think people who argue that "oh, I'm a parent. I don't have the same 24 hours as a single, NYC, invested businessman" are wrong. They do. They're just looking at success wrong. 

Is success a number on your bank account? Is it a certain number of things checked off on your to-do list in a day?

I go to an incredibly rigorous, difficult college. I know people fighting for A's in every class, people who graduate with perfect 4.0s and a smile on their faces. They've succeeded. And THAT IS TRUE. I wouldn't dare say I know someone else's circumstances well enough to say that anyone wasted their time doing that sort of thing.

What I do know is this: My success does not look like a 4.0 GPA. 

Success, for me, is getting up 15 minutes before work, brewing coffee, and stumbling over to help pay for my tuition after staying up til 1 working on a paper. Success is going to class and taking good notes, even when the chronic pain is at its worst. Success is putting 3 solid hours into studying, working as hard as I can on that, and then dancing about the C+ on the test. Because my struggles are different.

We do have the same 24 hours. But we all have different lives. And God has called us to different paths. If everyone is climbing the same mountain from different starting points, that's going to look different for everyone. That climb is not cut and dry. It's not identical.

The same 24 hours but different ways of filling them.

This I know: If you are following God, if you're being faithful where he's placed you?

You are successful.

 Hi guys! Today I'm here to attack your TBR with a bunch of indie books that you should read and will love. I've read so many indie books lately that are just GOOD and I'm super excited to share a handful of them with you guys! 

So here we go! My top few indie books! (There will be another post once I get through all my current physical TBR books).

This series is so cool, y'all. I definitely like the first trilogy better than the sequel duology, but both are excellent. The Blood Race is a dystopian in its early stages--the evil government hasn't taken over yet, and this group of superpowered kids is responsible for stopping them. They all live in a parallel dimension (brilliantly called The Dimension) where they learn to use their powers and confront their dark secrets. Icarus is one of my favorite guy characters ever, and this series is criminally underrated.

This (currently standalone) Elf fantasy is SO SO GOOD Y'ALL. It's about an unlikely band of kids who go searching for the lost Elf prince, the heir to the kingdom and the only one who can save them all. It's pretty dark (a LOT of torture in this one) but the Christian themes are gorgeous and I loved every page. I LOOOOOVE me a good redemption arc, and Hannah serves that in spades. Character development is so so important and this book is an incredible example and YOU NEED IT.

Y'ALL. IT IS ILLUSTRATED. WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED. THAT'S ALL YOU NEED FROM ME. GO PURCHASE THIS BOOK. *ahem* In something of an attempt to be more objective: Illuminare is about a stolen journal and the guys hired to get it back. While it's a fairly simple concept, it's the intro to a vast, lush, Venice-inspired world of canals and blood. The boys in this book are amazing (especially Desmond--we need more musicians in fantasy, guys) and I need the next books in the series PRONTO. ALSO IT IS ILLUSTRATED. 

This book is STEAMPUNK, y'all. Steampunk with a side of circus vibes. What more could you need? I read this book years and years ago but I vividly remember loving it. It's the story of two guys fighting to save their circus and trying really hard to stay on the legal side of things as they do. I LOVE this story and if you're into steampunk...you need this.

Am I biased about this series? Not really. Because Brooke might be my best friend, but also THIS SERIES IS AMAZING. The characters are some of my favorites ever and the world is SO good. It's dystopian America but reads like contemporary. Peter and Raegan are just *chef's kiss*. You all need this one on your shelves.

So here you go: five awesome indie books for your TBRs. I'll definitely do a part two at some point here (and probably a small presses book list too! I LOVE me a good small press). Let me know down below what your favorite indie books are! I always need more books on my TBR, actually.

It's time for another flash fiction! Because I'm a sucker for pain: I'm going to give y'all another one of the backstory flash fictions for A Deal of Knives. Enjoy :)

Hysterical laughter ripples through the air. Luc spins back in time to see Annie spinning, her arms spread wide, her broad pink skirt billowing. The corset on her rib cage draws her waist in, making her look tiny. Fragile. Delicate. 

Luc knows, better than anyone, perhaps, that she isn’t delicate. 

Annie leaps into a puddle with both feet. The rain running down her face looks like tears, but the twist of her smile just makes her look insane. She’s getting there. He knows that.

He’s known that since the day he met her, and he really just wants to keep her smiling for what little time she has with sanity.

“The rain, the rain,” she sings, and brushes her skirt down. “Are you doing alright, Luc?” Her smile is still bright.

The streets are empty this time of night. Luc looks around at the pudldes and the gas lamps reflecting into them, lighting up the streets like tiny candles in the bricks. A glance back at Annie shows him that she’s dancing again, water spraying around her feet.

He leaps into the street with her and grasps her hands. She lets out a little gasp of excitement, but they’re dancing together now, hands clasped, arms around each other, cheeks pressed together.

Luc’s never been sure whether Annie understands romance, or if she’s aware that he’s in love with her and not just interested in friendship. But as long as he can stay with her, he will. He doesn’t need to push her. He loves her. That means her specific situations.

He spins her around and around, her hands in his. She throws herself into his arms, leaning her head against his shoulder. His dark suit is drenched and so is her bright pink dress.

“I’m starting a new job,” she says, her voice sing-song as she wraps both arms around his waist. “I got hired to dance in a circus.”

He freezes. “A real job?” She’s floated from place to place before, never leaving the burnt-over Nightmare District. She stays alive in ways he’s not sure he wants to know, very different from his current position as a clerk at the drugstore.

“A real job. I think I’ll take over someday. Dance forever, sweetie.” She drags a hand over his face. “If anything ever happens to you, I’ll hurt someone.” Her voice has gone dead serious.

His heart drops an inch. Annie is never serious. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m not going to let anyone hurt you, sweetie,” she whispers. “I promise.”

The mood shift has occurred so fast he’s not sure if he has a good response to this. He swallows and stops dancing with her, choosing instead to cup her face with one hand. “That’s very good. I’m so glad to hear that. But no one will hurt me.”

She shakes her head. “Someone could. Someone might.” She grips ahold of his arms, and her strength startles him. “I promise I won’t let anyone get you.”

He sighs. “No one can.” He could turn his heart to stone with a single thought, saving his life from any potential attack. Anything he willed would become stone. His power is an easy escape from any potential danger.

“You never know.” Annie sighs and then giggles, her serious mood vanishing as quickly as it came. He doesn’t love when she does this. “Do you like dancing?”

“We’ve been dancing,” he says, as gently as he can.

She grips his hands. “Keep dancing with me,” she whispers. 

This cannot last, he thinks as they spin in the street. This relationship is going to die. In fact, it’s not even born yet, but even if it was, it would be born only to die. He’s going to lose her, one way or another.

He isn’t sure how this works, but after a moment he leans in and kisses her softly. Rain pours down, running down their faces. Annie’s eyes are still closed when he pulls back. Now the rain really does look like tears.

“You silly boy,” she whispers, and opens her eyes. There’s a trace of sorrow in the furrow of her forehead. “You should’ve done that a long time ago.”

“Oh, I know,” he whispers, wrapping both arms around her, and he kisses her again.

If this leads to heartbreak, he’ll see her on the other side of the gates someday.

 Hello guys! I'm here to check in now that the school year is done. This is probably going to be a bit of a ramble that will mirror my newsletter for the month. (Remember, you can sign up for my newsletter here!!!! We just vibe over there. I'm not consistent at all but it's a good time.)

Unfortunately, I have been ridiculously busy this semester. Less unfortunately, it's somehow been my best semester ever academically. I loved every class I was in (even biology????) and my grades are actually reflective of that, which is INSANE. I wasn't at all expecting some of the grades I've gotten. More important than grades, though, I feel like I've learned so much--and isn't that the purpose of college? College is for learning and growing and stretching, and that matters way more than grades.

Life lessons have been increasing wildly with this semester, too. If you've ever talked to me in person you probably know I've really struggled with food sensitivities and chronic illnesses in the past couple years. (I think I've mentioned that on the blog before, too.) This semester, for the first time, I've actually been able to cope with my food restrictions. I've found substitutes that don't make me ill, and it's been life-changing on so many levels. Most days I don't even miss dairy anymore, and I can say that in all honesty.

Another life lesson: productivity is difficult. Really. I used to be able to slam through things so easily, and then 2020 brought my life to a screeching halt. I'm trying to have grace for myself. Part of that is looking at my to-do list as necessary tasks and striving to do them well rather than just getting them done--which also means I'm fighting to keep from idolizing productivity again. I still do, at times. But that's no longer the goal. I am no productivity guru. I work hard and I get through my list and that is what matters.

I don't really have a lot going on right now. I'm home for the summer. We're going on a mountain trip soon and I'm excited. 

I feel like an adult these days. Not fully. Not all the time. But there are days, man. There are days.

The old days on this blog were so wildly different from the early ones, and I really miss the old days of blogging. It used to be such a world to itself, but now it's quieter. Less stressful. I actually like the lack of pressure and the fact that I feel free to just post when I want to rather than feeling like I have to go on hiatus every time I take a break. Even so, I'm trying really hard to be better about posting consistently.

Lifestyle things will probably be coming to the blog soon (because I don't write fast enough to post writing updates 24/7 anymore, hahaha). Probably I'll also be posting some updates for my fiction from the summer, too, since the plan is to try to finish two or three books over the course of the summer. It feels unlikely, but a girl can dream.

My TBR for the summer is also stacked with some amazing books I can't wait to read. Some classics, some nonfiction, and some that I own--all of which are the kind of books I'm hoping to absolutely love. I'll probably do a wrapup post for my reading, too, if that's the kind of thing anyone is interested in.

That's about all I've got for now! Sorry for the absolute ramble this post was. Let me know what you've been up to this spring and if you have anything exciting coming in the summer!

 A smol life update because I need to put it somewhere and I've been bad about actually sending my newsletter: I am tired.

That's it. That's the life update. We can go home now.

Kidding. WAIT not yet.

My exhaustion has sprung from my need to be everything. I take on so much because I want my heart to not even have a chance to feel. If I feel pain, I will do something else, something to distract and strip me of the pain. Memories like to choke me, wrapping their fingers around my neck, reminding me that I'm never going to be good enough. I can only hope for strength to get through this thing, and then the next thing and then the next.

This semester, I went, finally, on meds for my most intensive chronic pain. It's always existed, but with it more controlled, I'm realizing just how broken my body is, and for how long I've lived with that. I'm realizing that there's a path to peace and to lesser anxiety.

That doesn't mean meds have "cured" me or changed me or fixed all my sin problems. What it does mean is that the curtains have parted and I'm more aware of my existence as a daughter of the King, able to be proud of myself not because I can do or accomplish so much, but because he loves me.

So where do you go when you're tired?

I would like to quit some things. I'd like to step down from my responsibilities and let them fall out of my hands, but I am committed and stuck with most of it, so I have to keep going. My body is running into the ground. My mind is fatigued. I find I can hardly keep up many days. This is so different from the me who made it through high school with over a 4.0 and got through my classes while working tons and watching a new movie every day. 

But I have reached the end of myself. It's crazy how long that took. There was a lot of will in me to get through before I got to the end. 

And now I can find rest in the one place my soul can actually rest: His peace. 

He is the only one who can hold me, the only one able to protect me in the darkness of my day-to-day life. I am exhausted, but where I am weak, he is strong. The Lord can hold me fast because I am not the one responsible for being held, much like a toddler desperate to get down from his father's arms. He can fight, he can pull, but in the end it is the Father's responsibility to hold onto him, and he is free.

I am not the one who has to hold myself. I can rest in the knowledge that my Father has me.

And when I come to the end of myself, he will hold me fast. 

before I get started on this post: I KNOW Brooke is going to call me out for being a liar when i say that my life is under control, aesthetic, and fun. she's right. my life is not aesthetic or put together and i live in a state of constant overwhelm. but that does not mean i can't share the things that DO work for me! i am not superhuman and i do tend to be overwhelmed, but i do have a number of things that actually help me to feel organized and get things done.

I love planners. Every year, I develop even more planner techniques, get even more planners, and spend more time working to plan myself out. So let's talk planners and how they allow me to stay on top of my to-do list!

Academic Calendar

Legal Pad

Weekly/Monthly Planners

Bullet Journal

How I Use This Combo

 Hello everybody! 

Today I'm here with some teasers for the WIP. I've introduced it in the past as Knife in the Back, but that title hasn't felt correct for a really long time, so today I'm here to announce that the book has a new title, the book has a new blurb, and I'm just REALLY excited to announce more about it and hopefully some updates about when you'll be able to read it! *mysterious smile* 

The new title:

A Deal of Knives