So. First semester of college is done. Wow.

by - December 14, 2020

 That's a title, I know. Sorry *hides*

I wanted it to be magic. I wanted a full semester of hope and nothing but me knowing who I was. But that's not what happened. 

me on move in day, looking very...tired for lack of a better word

I moved into my dorm and immediately started to think I'd made a mistake.

I went to the school I went to specifically for their government major. For their internships. For their foot in the door. But almost as soon as I walked in the door, I realized something. Majoring in government...that wasn't me anymore. That wasn't who I wanted to be. I didn't want to be a politician or a lawmaker or a policy maker. I didn't want to be in campaigns. There are many who do belong in that world, and I wish them well. But me? No.

No, I want light. Stories.

I briefly considered journalism. I picked up another class after one day of classes and got a job and was basically in wayyyyy over my head.

My thoughts were a mess. Friends? What were those? I called home daily for at least an hour a day. I was so desperate for some sort of...anything. Meaning. A reason. Dropping out became even more enticing. I thought about transferring. I went back to researching my second choice schools.

About halfway through the semester, my constitutional law converged into one of the most stressful events of my life: the schoolwide moot court tournament. If you don't know what moot court is, count yourself blessed. Basically, you dress up as a lawyer and you go argue a case to upperclassmen (or real judges, at the law school level) like you're at the Supreme Court. 

Me in my lawyer costume

This was so much stress. So much anger. And yet one of my most distinct memories was just frustration that it kept me away from the highlight of my Monday, Wednesday, and Friday: History class.

World history was a lifeline. a breath of fresh air in all the other stress. I went and I learned. I understood. I got excited.

And then one day I found myself in the history department head's office, pouring out my heart about government and not knowing what to do and needing a job and student loans and...

And that wonderful man looked me in the eye, this professor who wasn't in it for money or prestige but because he genuinely cared about his students, a genius, and he said, "You can get a job with a history degree."

With those words, with that reassurance, my world was transformed.

It was in the way I tutored a friend the morning before a quiz for history and saw the whole thing coming together in a storyline. It's in the characters of history, bright and brilliant people like anybody from a novel, but REAL and living. It's in knowing that without knowing the past, we'll repeat it--but also knowing that there's beauty, and hope, and that the darkest hour of human history is always behind us and before us both.  It's in seeing my Creator's fingertips throughout the timeline. It's in the hope of seeing how the world spins on.

I fell in love. Hard. Romantic love, the sort Taylor Swift would write a song about, the sort that makes you giddy and grin whenever you think about it. It's the kind of love that gets me ranting at the lunch table to a group of unimpressed friends of a friend. It's the love that takes my Saturday mornings and turns them into a chance to explore the niches of history, the little moments that we don't talk about. And yes, this is all about my soulmate. My degree. The hope I have for the future in loving a line of study, a subject, a line of work, a knowledge.

God brought that love to me and I can never thank Him enough for that.

My dorm's lobby, ft. Christmas decorations a month early

That may have been the story, but here are some highlights of the full three months:
  • First day, when a girl I barely knew said it was a crying shame I hadn't gotten first day photos and set up a photo shoot for me with her and her roommate
  • The history paper I stayed up til 2am to write
  • The time I was sad and my roomie dragged me over to Harris Teeter to try to cheer me up
  • Late nights hiding in my room texting my boo, Brookie
  • There was a restaurant across the parking lot with $1 gelato which did horrors for my waistline but wonders for my mental health
  • I finished a novella my first week in
  • All the long talks with my mom
  • Meeting so many like-minded people
  • Baked potato bar at the dining hall. Need I say more.
  • When I read Inferno, hated it, and wrote a scathing 2300 word paper that made my prof go -_-
  • The time my mom decided to surprise me by dropping in for a visit
  • Getting a 96 on my first paper *still screaming about that*
  • Chapel three days a week (also does wonders for your mental health. I started crying in church once so that was fun)
  • My job was actually fun on the days I felt healthy (spraying indoor showers with a giant hose is actually a wonderful time)
  • The time my roommate and I found out the bookstore was giving away free candy if you bought anything so we spent straight-up 30 minutes trying to find a book to buy so we could get our free candy
  • The Halloween party where we got to pretend everything was normal. Not a single person got COVID from it either.
  • Target runs
  • I was blessed with utterly fantastic roommates and I love them
  • Sorting through the giant Goodwill bag of clothes in my roommate's closet while x-files played in the background (a vibe)
  • Watching Inception in a group
  • The anime club that only lasted half the semester but was REALLY fun
  • The time our professors declared a spontaneous "snow day" to give us all a day off even though it was 72 degrees and sunny
Basically: It's been a good semester. Not without its share of trials, but I am excited to return to school and pursue the history I love so much. I can't wait.

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  1. ACK BOOOO 😭😭 My times with you were so so treasured and needed. I can't wait to do more this coming semester (as if we still don't do it now 😏😂) I love you boo 💕💕

    1. Also so proud of you. You are strong. Thanks for giving me those late nights 💕💕😘

    2. *sobs* Thank youuuuu <3 <3 <3 Love you so so much.

  2. *all the hugs* FAITH. You've had one HECK of a semester, and I'm so sorry for all the stress over your major. But it makes me so so happy to read about your love of your newfound major. I'm so glad you found one that you just adore with all of your being. <3 <3

    (also, that anime club that dissipated halfway through the year? #relate) (but also I will happily watch any anime with you XD)

    Congratulations on finishing your first semester of college! YOU MADE IT <3 <3

    1. Ahh thank you so much hon *sobs* I'm SO excited about it.

      YESSSSS we should do that sometime!!!!!

      Thank you!!!!! :D Same to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. *smothers you by hugs* Decisions are the worst, but you have defeated them and claimed your own choice. I have always loved history, but not really known why and YOU JUST DESCRIBED IT. AHHHHHH. I'm so, so, so sorry that things were hard, but I'm even more happy for you that you've found what you are passionate about. <3333333 You rock in every possible way!! <33333 Take on the world!

    1. YESSSSS THAT'S SO INCREDIBLE! I love history so much <3 Thank you, darling!

  4. Faith, I'm really sorry your first semester was so hard! But I'm so glad that you found out that history is what you want to do! I love history as well--it's not what I'm going to do with my life, but I can absolutely relate to your love of it. :)

    $1 gelato? Argh, that's amazing! I need that in my life. XD Also a baked potato bar? FANTASTIC. (Why so much food in this post? I'm hungry. :D)

    I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with you about Inferno...but I can definitely relate to the writing-long-scathing-papers thing! So much fun.

    Congrats on finishing your first semester!

    1. History is the love of my life *nods firmly*

      $1 gelato is brilliant (because I love food xD)

      I loooove writing long scathing papers xD


  5. Oh wow, Faith. What a semester you had! I'm so, so sorry it started out rough, but what a blessing God brought you through it and to a place of joy. That just makes me so happy! And that is wonderful you had great roommates too.

    I'M JUST SO PROUD OF YOU! You have conquered and pushed through so much, and truly inspire me with all you do. I hope you have a wonderful break and your second semester is full of blessings. You're in my prayers as you journey through this transitional time. God's got you, girl, and you're going to do amazingly. *HUGS*

    1. God is SO good (and yisss I love my roommates so much)

      Eep thank youuuuuu *Sobs*

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  7. I'm so glad you found something your really passionate and excited about! (The journey sounds like it was a hard one, but I'm glad you worked through it.)
    Loved all your highlights, 1$ gelato sounds amazing!

    1. Thank you! and that gelato is really just *chef's kiss*

  8. WOW. I didn't realize your passion for history went so utterly, beautifully deep. I love that. I love that you love history, and I know you are going to do great things with that degree. <3

    I wish my dorm had a lobby *heart eyes*

    1. Thank youuuuuuuu *sobbing* You're gonna do great things with Spanish, luv! <3

      It's pretty nice mwahahaaaaa

  9. i'm glad you found out what you want to do <3 hope college keeps getting better!

  10. Yikes! I'm so sorry your first semester was so stressful! *HUGS* And AHHHH! I LOVE Chick-Fil-A! <333

    I pray your next semester goes much better! Also, I love history too! ^_^

  11. I'm very late commenting on this but I'm so, so happy that you've found a major you're passionate about! I decided to change my major partway through the semester, too. I started as a business major, aaand... it didn't take me long to figure out that it wasn't going to be for me. So I switched to majoring in English and honestly, it feels right. Still don't know 100% what I'm going to do with it, but... *shrugs* I feel at peace with my decision.

    I do hope this coming semester is wonderful for you! You've got this! <3


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