It isn't about cutting people out.

It isn't about taking bubble baths and doing facials and painting your nails.

It isn't about buying things when you don't need them or splurging or eating ice cream or going to the mall or taking a nap.

Are these things bad? No.

But are they the BEST? No.

Self-care isn't always about doing the very specific things people on the internet recommend. Because here is the thing: YOU ARE AN INDIVIDUAL, and so is every person on the internet. Sometimes, we seem like faceless blogs, communicating through the written word, our true voices never heard, our true faces hidden behind filtered selfies and graphic avatars. We aren't real. It's so easy to be general, to hide our true personalities, to talk in Tumblr language and ignore our needs.

But we are called to be more than that.

You are not the person on Tumblr who urges you to cut every toxic person out of your life. For them, perhaps it is the truth; perhaps they must break off relationships. Sometimes, life requires that. For your sake, for theirs...you cannot make every relationship last. But sometimes, your life will require you to work through things and heal your relationship so that, in the end, you have a stronger relationship than before. Sometimes, THAT is self-care.

You are not the girl on instagram talking about her soaps and hot baths and homemade bath bombs. Perhaps you do like baths. I tried to take one, and my bathtub is too small to truly accommodate me. Sometimes, self-care looks like taking a hot shower for five minutes and then giving yourself permission to just sit for a few minutes while your hair dries. Sometimes it's taking a walk instead.

You are not the person who shows pictures of her buying splurge when she's depressed. Sometimes, self-care looks like sitting down to make a budget for yourself, focusing on dealing with unnecessary spending and cutting out your expenses that don't make you feel better in the long-run. Sometimes, self-care is driving past Wendy's and saying "another time" instead of pulling in and getting that large Frosty you're craving.

Sometimes self-care is hoisting dumbbells while the sweat trickles down your back and you curse your weak knees.

Sometimes self-care is staying up late talking to someone you trust about what's going on so you can work through it.

Sometimes self-care is putting down the phone and taking the dog for a five-mile walk to clear your head.

Sometimes self-care is looking at you--beautiful, flawed, imperfect, aching you, carved by the hands of a loving Father, worth more than the stars in the sky--and saying, "I am me, and I do not need what everyone else claims to."

Sometimes self-care is falling to your knees and spending an hour in prayer.

Sometimes self-care is going to church, even though it's hard to get up in the morning.

Sometimes self-care is letting your Circadian rhythms take over and going to bed at 10:30, even though you like to stay up til 3 and you can function on 4 hours of sleep. Sometimes it's realizing...rest is good.

Sometimes, it's just letting yourself breathe.

We are broken people, made of flesh and bone and nerves and a thousand intricate pieces stitched together. We are not unbreakable. We are fragile, and yet some of the strongest creations in the universe.

And sometimes, taking care of ourselves entails doing the hard stuff. The things we'd rather not do. Getting up in the morning. Working out. Refusing to spend money. Being intentional.

It's not just the aesthetic things. Your life is not an internet blog. Your life is yours, and you were called to it by a Father who loves you.

Sometimes, self-care is doing what's difficult.

What was the last time I did a tag? Who even knows. But I'm doing one today! Answering all the burning questions you didn't even know you had about my writing! And guess what--I didn't even steal this one! I was tagged by Nicole Dust so. Totally legal tag time. LET'S DANCE.

THE RULES:

...started a novel I didn't finish

...written a story completely by hand

...changed tenses midway through a story

...not researched anything before starting a story

...changed a protagonist's name halfway through a draft

...written a story in a month or less

...fallen asleep while writing

...corrected someone's grammar in person or online

...yelled at myself in all caps in the middle of a draft

...used "I'm writing" as an excuse

...killed a character you based on a real person

...used pop culture references in a story

...written between the hours of 1 a.m. and 6 a.m.

...written down dreams to use in potential novels

...published an unedited story on blog/internet/wattpad

...procrastinated homework because I wanted to write

Me? absolutely not. NEVER.

...typed so long my wrists hurt

...spilled a drink on my laptop while writing

...forgotten to save my work

...finished a novel

....laughed like an evil villain while writing a scene

...cried while writing a scene

...created maps of my fictional worlds

...researched something shady for a novel

THE TIME IS UPON US and I am answering all your questions! It's going to be a good time. Especially because MY BLOG IS A WHOPPING THREE YEARS OLD TODAY.

So like...I know the world is a dark place at the moment and there's so much to worry about, but I'm pretty darn excited about this, so I'm quite happy to JUST think about my blog ;) Does that make me selfish? Probably. Can you tell I'm writing this in the middle of the night? Probably. Am I cramming? Definitely. But this is me, so why would you expect anything different?????

Without further ado or rambling...let's get into MY THIRD BLOGOVERSARY Q&A: You ask, I answer.

NICOLE
- YOUR favorite Newsies character + song? ;)
Accckkkkk. My favorite character is Davey, actually *smirks* and my favorite song is easily Once and For All.

- Rank your handwriting on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being absolute perfection.
5 in print, 6 in cursive. Honestly, it's pretty atrocious, and it's only gotten worse.

- What is your preferred form of caffeine intake?
If I had the choice? ICED COFFEE EVERY DAY. Since I don't have that available, however, it would be hot coffee. xD

- Favorite TV show at the moment? 
 The current show on the watchlist: Agent Carter!

BROOKE
What is your favorite book? (I have to ask this, it's tradition.)
*sighs heavily* I don't knooooowwwwwww. At the moment? Let's be cliche and say the Bible.
What is the worst topping for a pizza?
Hmm....I actually like pineapple (please don't murder me), every now and then. I don't like pepperoni all that much, though. 

Favorite song at the moment?
"Redeemed to Redeem" by Austin Stone Worship!

What is something good that has happened to you recently?
Oh goodness...*thinks* *hard* A couple of writing updates have me very excited (*winky winky, more details coming later MAYBE), and my manager at work showered me with compliments the day I worked with her ;)

DANIELLE JAGO

It's time for the second post in this series! This is a post that is VERY near and dear to my heart: quality time. This is, in fact, MY love language, and if you spend time with me--BOOM. New best friend right there. Give me your time and I will give you mine.

With that in mind, let's not hesitate to dive straight into this topic!

First of all: QUALITY TIME =/= KISSING TIME. I've received requests to deal with the friendship side of things in these posts, too, so you will get some of that toward the end of this! But to start with: Romance.

When I say quality time, I don't mean "quality alone time to kiss and cuddle n' stuff." No, I mean...let's talk! Let's do things that are FUN! Let's go for long walks and take pictures and spontaneously roadtrip and go to the bookstore together and get coffee and hang out and text late into the night and pour our time into doing the OTHER things.

Sure, sometimes that does mean some soft kisses or a hug or something. But more often than not...talking and DOING things is best. I have a scene where two of my girls are out throwing knives together. Another where my protagonist offers to fix someone's nest of hair. There's a moment where a mother and daughter sit together in a sickroom and cry together. Another where a girl has insomnia, and her best friend sneaks her out of the house and drives around and talks to her about her fears for a few hours.

I think that in novels, the best way to describe quality time would be: a chance to allow two or more characters to interact as people, and show the readers something about each of them--and their relationship--at the same time.

The best thing about writing with this love language? You can fit it in anywhere. LITERALLY anywhere. You have to build up to a kissing scene; you have to use the circumstances to find specific acts of services; you have to weave gift-giving into the plot. But there is ALWAYS a chance to put quality time into your novel.

Have your characters work together to search the library for the information they need for their quest! When they're locked in the dungeon, let them have a heart-to-heart! If there's a road trip scene, instead of cutting to black, if you have time, give your characters a chance to open up and talk to each other! I once snuck quality time into the middle of a BATTLE SCENE with a husband and wife, so if I can do that, you can too.

A factor of this that makes things especially fun is the fact that it allows you to have an even deeper character-driven novel. I know some of us are plot-first, but writing character-driven books allows the reader to really get into the story and feel it. If they root for the character, they'll root for the story. I've read books where I don't even remember the plot--but the characters burn like shooting stars in my imagination for years after I've read it. Making deeper characters gives you the chance to let your characters do the same thing.

It can be a struggle to find the balance, but incorporating this particular love language into your story gives you a chance to slow down the story a bit and delve deep into your characters. In the Keeper of the Lost Cities series (Heyyyyy Nicole ;)), some of my favorite scenes are the ones where there isn't a lot of plot-related stuff going on, but where the protagonist is allowed a moment to just talk to her friends or her parents or whatever. Those books (sometimes) have plots, but they like to focus on the characters. And even if the plots drag sometimes, the reader cares enough about the characters to keep going.

I kinda forgot about romance here, but that's because this love language is so universal and ends up being so critical to our stories. I hope this post inspires y'all to add some more character-driven scenes and moments to your books, and makes it possible for you to delve deeper into the minds and hearts of your characters!

It will ALWAYS be about the characters when it comes to books. Movies can be plot-driven. Books? Books are character-driven. So give us good characters, and give them complex and beautiful relationships.

THAT is the way to write a story people will love.

It's that time of year again!!!!! On the 17th, it will be THREE YEARS since I started this little blog (whaaaaat??!!!!!) and I'm doing a Q+A, as I do every year!

For this year, here are the rules:
-Ask whatever you want, but no one is walking out of here with my social security number, my birth certificate, my tax return, or the name of Esma's true love
-Let's say 3-4 questions per person this time, just because it's gotten a wee bit much the last couple years.
-I'm going to draw a birthday cake for my blog this year and post it with my answer post, so please let me know if I can put your name on it at the bottom of the comment ;)
-That's it!

You guys are the reason I've been able to keep blogging for all these years. Every comment, every follow on this blog makes me smile. I love you guys and I'm so glad y'all are willing to read my content and keep visiting my little corner of the internet!