Writing and the Five Love Languages: Acts of Service

by - May 11, 2020



Welcome back, everyone! Anyone else's mind blown that I'm already on the fourth post of this series? It's been infinite and yet SO FAST (at least for me). I think time is fake and we're all just hallucinating at this point.

Today's love langugage is ACTS OF SERVICE! Aka the one that is possibly THE hardest thing to write into a novel. Everyone loves kissing scenes, dialogue is easy enough to incorporate, and it isn't that hard to put in some gift giving...but acts of service? Really?

This post will probably be more of a ramble than most of these have been (but let's be honest, when do I NOT ramble?) There's a lot to unpack on this topic, so without further ado, I'm jumping right in!

One thing to keep in mind is that perhaps acts of service is more than doing the dishes or taking out the trash. An example that comes to mind is the recurring theme in the Lord of the Rings of characters carrying each other. Aragorn and Boromir carry Frodo and the other Hobbits on their backs when the snow is too deep for them to wade through. Legolas and Aragorn take turns allowing Gimli to ride on their horses with them. And of course, in the big climax, we see Sam carry Frodo on his back in that iconic moment of "I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you." That is possibly one of the most beautiful moments in cinematic history--and I would absolutely classify it as an act of service.

From this we see that this love language lends itself to all sorts of relationships. Nearly every example that comes to mind is a friendship, family relationship, or a begrudging, building relationship. However, with a little digging, it's not too hard to find some romantic examples as far. I'm keeping this mostly to big, popular books/movies, so y'all won't feel spoiled--although of course I'll mention the title of the book at the beginning of the paragraph, and feel free to skip the example if you haven't read it.

My treatise here is this: The main way Acts of Service manifests itself in books is through love showing itself as an action.


In Suzanne Collins' The Hunger Games, Katniss leaves the safe cave where she and Peeta are hiding and risks everything to go to a dangerous fight where she hopes she can acquire some medicine for his horrible wounds.

In Doctor Who's Family of Blood arc, Martha allows herself to be degraded and fall down the societal ladder all the way to the bottom, be rejected by the man she loves, and endure the risk of dying in order to keep the Doctor safe.

In Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor, there's a moment where the female lead throws herself out into what comes down to a war zone and ends up getting thrown in her room with no food for days--all to scream of coming danger to the male lead.

Sometimes it's not quite to the level of possible death. In the Mitford Series (the final book of which I am currently reading), there's a young couple who are trying to work together to create a life that they can both love. They talk together. Do the chores for each other. Put the kids to bed for each other. In the nitty-gritty of day-to-day life, they are there for each other, and they love one another. Their actions prove that louder than their words. The woman is terrified of being left behind, and her husband has a habit of running late. She's terrified every time he's late, and he ends up speeding to get to home in time, only to be caught by the police--an example of actions maybe going too far or taking a turn you didn't expect.

Because this is the thing about acts of service: They come with a sacrifice. The one doing the action is giving up something else. Maybe it's five minutes of time to vaccuum the rug before company comes. Maybe it's peace of mind as they watch the kids for the evening. Maybe it's risking life or limb to save the other. Maybe, just maybe, it's life itself.

To state the most significant example of this in any of my books would be massive, massive spoilers, but let me just say: both The King's Daughter and Holding Up the Sky have a moment with an action that becomes the ultimate sacrifice. The person doing it doesn't die in either case--but there's a question mark put on their life that they cannot escape now.

Actions should always come with a consequence. That makes the love language even deeper.

And it allows you a way to get into your characters' heads even deeper and see just how far they're willing to go for the one they love.

This is a tough topic compared to a lot of the love languages--but it's possible. You got this. So go out there and put some sacrifice and some love through actions in your books. I promise, they will be the better for it.

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24 comments

  1. okay but in the Holding Up The Sky sacrafice, I will cry because *sobs* so beautiful. 😭😭

    I love this a lot. It's a very simple, yet meaningful way to express love to someone you care about. TBH, this love language makes me think of our friendship and the way you're always there for me no matter what.

    I love this post so much. <3 <3 <3
    Love you, boo!

    Stay Amazing!
    ::brooke::

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    1. *also sobs* I KNOW AND THANK YOUUUUU

      <3 aww boo I appreciate that so much.

      Love you toooo <3

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  2. I'm writing a story right now where the characters do all these little acts of service for each other. In the beginning, the guy buys the girl an expensive warm cloak. She wears it through the whole story. Then the guy gets captured by bad guys and they take all his gear, planning to kill him. When he gets rescued, he's freezing to death, so the girl gives back the cloak to keep him warm. It's one of those symbolic relationship things and I love it.

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    1. Oh my WORD I love that so very very much. It's GENIUS. <3

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  3. What a lovely poooost! Pretty sure I say it every time, but I'm sayin' it again: I LOVE THIS SERIES!!!

    I've honestly never really even thought of sacrifices and things as acts of service. :O THIS IS BRILLIANT. And, honestly, my ridiculous characters seem to ALWAYS be almost dying for each other. >.> Sacrifice accidentally ends up being a huge theme in so many of my stories.

    But it's just so, soooo inspirational when characters do huge, hard gestures for each other. Hits me in the feels every single time. So I definitely think it's an important thing to put into stories.

    Absolutely loved all your thoughts here!

    (But also, I 100% agree time is fake and we're hallucinating. What even is time anymore? Who can know?)

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    1. Awww thank you Christine!!!!

      Your characters DO die for each other a lot xD I'd honestly be interested in seeing who utilizes that more: me or you. Because it legit happens in EVERY story I write. My word. xD

      YESSSSSS it is and I love it so KEEP DOING ITTTTT

      Thank you! <3

      (Absolutely. There is no such thing as time.)

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  4. This. Was. Awesome. This love language definitely isn’t talked about much. :( And I never thought of Sam carrying Frodo as an act of service??? But I am SOLD and am 100% planning on using this in my WIP. Amazing post!!

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    1. It isn'ttttt but it should be! And YES I WANT TO SEE THAT ABSOLUTELY DO IT

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  5. FAIIIITTTH. This post is pure AWESOMENESS. I adore all of these tips <3
    (Also how are you so smart and knowledgeable?! xD)

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    1. THank you!!!!!!
      (I'm not haha xD I just write and hope what I'm spewing makes sense because it doesn't make sense to me at all)

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  6. Okay but I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THE THEME OF CARRYING EACH OTHER IN LOTR. And now after being made aware of this I wish to weep (and also watch the movies). And YESSS that Sam moment is one of my favoriteeees. <3 Thinking of it now as an act of service makes me love it even more!

    I love this so much! <3 This has been an amazing series!

    theonesthatreallymatter.blogspot.com

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    1. YES WATCH THE MOVIIIEEEES and I had never realized that was a theme either until I was brainstorming for this and went WAIT A SECOND <3

      Thank you! Only one more to go (hooowwww)

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  7. I am so loving this series! I never thought of the theme of carrying in LOTR as being an act of service, but I'd say you're right!

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    1. Thank you so much! And I'm so glad I actually used that--I was thinking of taking it out, but it seems to be a popular opinion!

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  8. Oh, I love books that feature acts of service as important building blocks in a relationship. And fantastic examples--especially Lord of the Rings. :)

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    1. They're SO important because acts of service outlast any other love language in my opinion ;) love is DOING not just feeling.

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  9. Oh. My Gosh. When I saw that this was going to be a Love Language post, I literally screamed in delight. Got some odd looks from my sister for it, but I just get so excited about these! Again, you nailed it! Loved this!

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    1. Awwwwww that makes me so happy! :D I'm so glad you liked it!!! <3

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  10. I love this series, and this post especially! Acts of Service is not one of my Love Languages, but I just realized that it's one of my favorite Love Languages to see in books--especially LOTR. :)

    (And yes, I'm new here! I've been reading your blog without commenting for a year or so, and thought I'd take the plunge.)

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    1. It's really great in books and LOTR utilizes it SO well. Tolkein is genius.

      And ACCKKK WELCOME! Thank you so much for commenting--I'm so glad to "meet" you! :D

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  11. This is amazing! I have never considered it at all, but I love it so much! Yeah, the one In The King's Daughter made a certain character my favorite person ever (besides his author ;) <333)

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  12. WHEN SAM CARRIED FRODO THO *sobs* <3333

    I've never thought of acts of service expressed in novels this way before. Great post!!

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  13. I love this! I always forget to utilize this one.

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