Thank You Even Then

by - May 18, 2020

I have nothing to say

Nothing to encourage

There is a void within me

One that screams "I DON'T UNDERSTAND"

So many questions that will never be answered

Losses

Grief

Unknowns

Loneliness

Longing for something I will never see again

Staring at past me and laughing at her idealism

Reminding myself that once I dreamed of my last summer at home being a big deal,

That my graduation was going to involve FOOD and SPEAKING and FRIENDS

That I was going to go places

And prepare for college like thousands of others before

That the friendships I made in high school would last forever

And I fight it

And I fight it

And hope feels so hard to find

And I sink to my knees

And remember

Because even though it's not the way I hoped it would be

Even if things aren't perfect

Even if graduation will be in my living room over Zoom

Even if my entire life is Zoom now

Even if I can't go to college in the fall

Even if...

I can thank Him

I can praise

because His ways are not my ways

And he loves me

He will hold me fast


Thank you Jesus
Even when you see us just as we are
fragile and frail and so far 
from who we're meant to be 
so thank you Jesus
even when the pieces
are woven and spun
Dreams shatter and scatter like the wind
Thank you Even Then
~Even Then, Nichole Nordeman

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28 comments

  1. *is lowkey crying over here* Beautiful post, Faith - you put into words what I never could have. <3 And we’re going to get through this weird part of life together. You can do this. <3 <3

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    1. <3 <3 I hope you're doing okay, luv. I've been praying for you--we're going to get through this and be JUST fine. I know it. <3

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  2. Strange to think that our lives can change so drastically in a matter of days...yet God is still in control, and it all is for our good!

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    1. Yes He IS and that is the only thing I need right now, even though it seems like I'm drowning right now. The more reminders I have of his goodness, the better I do <3

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  3. my love, this is beautiful. I love it. So much! <3 You are amazing. I love you always and forever. Always here for you. you're gonna go so far! <3 <3

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    1. <3 <3 You're so wonderful *sobs* I love you toooo

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  4. This is beautiful, thank you for sharing a little bit of your heart with us.


    samsbookshire.blogspot.com

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  5. *may or may not be crying*
    IT'S NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Loved this

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  6. *ALL THE HUGS* I have been ACHING for all the graduates this year. It just breaks my heart you guys can't properly be celebrated after you've so, so earned it. But this is SUCH a perfect perspective to have. God sees you, He's got you, and He still has an amazing plan for you. And it's going to be beautiful.

    Love ya, girl! <333

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    1. <3 <3 He's got this and even though that's SO hard to remember in a time like this...It is TRUE and he is still good.

      Love you too! <3

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  7. Oh my gosh I wanna cry. I feel all these feelings from a different place than you are because I didn't graduate this year, but I totally understand everything you're going through and this post really spoke to me. Thank you!

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    1. I think we're all hurting right now, tbh, and it just makes me so sad for everyone. I'm so glad this post touched you! Thank you for reading!

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  8. First, even though I've been completely ignoring the lockdown and managing to find people to hang out with and ignore it with me, I still totally relate to this. Life seems pretty horrid these days and it's all I can do to keep myself motivated and going. Goals lack hope and enthusiasm. Every day is so different and tasteless, half the time. It stinks.

    I'm so so so sorry that something as dear as a graduation must be like this for you. Have you thought of postponing it? I didn't do my graduation party until three years after the fact. Food and friend and speeches are everything. Maybe do the zoom thing now ... and something fantastic and fun later. I don't know. Just don't give up your graduation.

    I'm so sorry life is like this for you and all of us. The world is insane.

    MB: keturahskorner.blogspot.com
    PB: thegirlwhodoesntexist.com

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    1. I wish we could all ignore the lockdown :'( but alas it's just...not possible here right now, especially working in fast food.

      I think I might have another one at some point...but this one will be great for now, especially considering that most of my friends don't actually live near me and most of them wouldn't be able to come in person anyway. So I'm sure it'll still be great :)

      <3 You're so sweet. Thank you, luv.

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  9. *hugs tight* <3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

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  10. I'm sorry that the world is a mess right now. Beautiful post!!! <333 You're amazing!!!!

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  11. I'm so sorry. <333 Thank you for sharing your heart. You're right, God has a wonderful purpose in all of this, even if it hurts to think of what would have been different, under normal circumstances.

    Congratulations on your graduation, sweet fren!! <3

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  12. *Hugs* I was thinking this was really going to effect anyone graduating. I love that you turned it into something beautiful.

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Hello, friends! Do make yourselves comfortable and stay for a while--I'd love to chat with you! I simply ask that you keep it clean. :)