I am tired.

My body is run-down with exhaustion and no matter how much I sleep it's not enough. The deadlines come fast and furious, and college is a sea of masks and papers and exhaustion.

What is the point, I wonder.

This last week, I'll be honest: I sat down and cried over the US election. I strongly dislike both parties and I hate everything about what this election is doing to our country. I very much and very firmly believe that Jesus is on the throne. I believe that he can do ANYTHING he wants out of this. 

But oh, that doesn't mean I have to be excited about the prospect of what's quite possibly coming.

There is so much pain and brutality among our land right now. We're so divided. Sometimes I wonder how long it really will be until the second Civil War. I'm tired. I'm tired.

Saturday night I went to a Halloween party, and it seemed like every time we lost sight of the fact that this wasn't normal, someone started screaming for everyone to social distance. And the moment was broken. And the new normal flooded back in, and the pain was very much there again.

I wear the mask when I can, but the asthma has been getting worse and worse lately as seasonal allergies fluctuate and I've had a couple of minor colds. There are so many people looking to inform me that I must wear a mask, that Covid will hurt me if I get it, that I'm one of the high-risk people. I struggle with that daily--I know the averse effects of my health if I get Covid, but if I wear the mask, the asthma will make daily life a struggle. 

My heart hurts.

And I want to know where I'm going. What my future looks like. They always told me college was a time of transition, but trying to imagine the transition out of here and into the Real World, a world changing and falling apart. 

I'm not sharing this looking for pity.

I share this to say: You are not alone. If you have a strange sense of both security in the Father and a constant halo of question marks swirling about your brain, you aren't alone. God's got it under control. Of COURSE he does. That is a fact.

But the fact doesn't just...get rid of all emotions.

And it's okay to be tired. It's okay to be scared.

We don't know what this world will look like at the end of this week. But humanity continues, and God is still on his throne. There is GOOD in the world still. Maybe we have to look a little harder to find it. But it's there.

So let's all take a breath and give ourselves permission to be tired and to sleep and to take some time off. It's okay if you can't do it all.

You're still enough.

It's hard. It's HARD. Don't forget that it's okay for it to be hard.

And remember: It is enough that Jesus is on the throne.

Maybe it doesn't feel like it yet. But it is.

He is still God. He is still good. 

How are you doing? <3 If you're doing NaNo, how have the first couple days been? Chat with me and tell me how YOU are doing. I want to hear from you.